Big Girls Don't Cry

It's the title of a new Fergie song (that I happen to LOVE) and it sums up my current life philosophy. There is actually quite a bit of drama going on in my life but there's nothing I can do except not let it get me down. As my co-worker always says, I've gotta do me. Let me just bring y'all up to speed.

My older sister is involved in an on-going custody battle for her oldest daughter. As I may or may not have mentioned, he's a fundamentalist Muslim that married my sister for a green card (didn't know any of this at the time) and after the divorce threatened numerous times to kidnap my niece and take her to Saudi Arabia. He has decided that he wants custody of her for various reasons and it's just a big mess. He actually tried to have my sister put in jail. Said she wasn't complying with the court order (untrue). Also, thanks to him, my poor niece is forced to see not one but two therapists. He feels that because she doesn't like him something must be wrong with her. As a result, she must see a therapist down here every week and in VA every other week. Her whole summer has been killed; no camp, no riding lessons, no parties, no nothing. I don't know why he would expect her to like him. He wasn't in her life for ages and since then has done nothing but alienate her. If she wanted to have the visits somewhere she liked, he would insist upon having them where he wanted; she asks for space, he comes closer; she tells him the kind of stuff she likes, he buys and does the opposite; and the only interest he ever expresses in her is how much Qur’an and Arabic she knows. Not to mention the fact that he's never been allowed to be alone with her due to his threats.
It's insanity but he's messing with the wrong family because if it's the last thing we do, he will be brought down. I personally will not rest until him and his b*&$h of a wife are tossed out of my country on their illegal alien butts. He isn't going to mess with my niece's life and get away with it. Mark my words, if it's the last thing I do, I will get revenge. I'm my father's daughter, vengeance will be mine. I'm sure that sounds very Soprano's to y'all but it's just how we roll. That being said, I am NOT going to do or have anyone else do anything criminal. I don't have it in me and he's not worth it.


Due to the aforementioned (I love that word) nonsense, we may be moving back to the VA/DC/MD area very soon. Like at the end of the summer. Nooooooooooooooo!! Y'all don't understand how much I absolutely do not want to go back. Unfortunately, M's sake, I must. We're very close and it would break her heart if her family split up on top of all of this. I'm so not looking forward to going back and if it were anyone else (except her little sister or my little brother) I totally wouldn't go. Starting over somewhere else where I wasn't always associated with some member of my family was fantastic. I could just be me. Also, I'm really not interested in seeing the same people, doing the same things, and going to the same places. Most of all, I'm not interested in the same people. A lot of whom I haven't heard from since moving but will be on me like white on rice the minute I get back. Gag me. That being said, I have been trying to look on the bright side. For instance, Metro (yay!), lots of stuff to do (although I like the stuff down here better), the city, and my family. I know the list is very small. The list of things I'm going to miss is much, much longer. Oh well, I have to soldier on.


Making me even more apprehensive about the move is the fact that I have recently discovered that the majority of my family are most likely leaving Islam. My mother, having converted from Christianity is now thinking of converting back. Her biggest problems are with Muslims and how they are and the restrictive nature of Islam. She has other issues too and she just no longer has Islam in her heart. She doesn't feel that she has a personal relationship with God. My sister's are basically feeling the same way. My older sister doesn't really pray anymore, hasn't stepped foot in a mosque in I don't know how long, and is really a Muslim in name only. And that's just because she hasn't figured out what else to be yet. My younger sister still prays and everything but she's not really feeling the religion; she's just scared to leave it. However, I feel that if it isn't in your heart, you need to move on. I mean, she has no interest in Muslims (including marrying one) or attending the mosque. She thinks Islam is too strict and she questions and takes issue with a lot of things about it. She currently says otherwise but I highly doubt she's going to stay a Muslim. Naturally, my little brother and nieces are going to become whatever their parents become. My mom is going to start exposing my brother to church and let him choose but he really doesn't practice now and has very little exposure to Muslims so it's no secret what he's going to choose. The girls are under the age of 12 so their just going to be what their mom is. It breaks my heart, it really does. Not because I think their going to hell but because it's always been us being Muslims. When the outside world didn't get being American Muslim, I could turn to my family and clearly that ship has sailed. I always thought that my kids would have it easier than I did. They would grow up with not only a mother that was raised Muslim but aunts and uncles as well. They would have Muslim cousins that they could celebrate Ramadan and Eid with instead of feeling left out over Christmas. Instead, I'm feeling like an outsider in my own family. Ramadan is in a little while and for the first time ever, I'll most likely be celebrating it alone. It's made even worse by the fact that, if we go back to VA, everyone will be inquiring as to my family's whereabouts and after the news is out, there will be whispers. Now before everyone starts thinking I'm making this all about me, I'm very concerned about how this will affect them. I really don't want the older kids to be confused. It has to be strange, being brought up one way and then switching mid-field. Also, most of the people we've always known, considered family even, are going to turn their backs on us. They'll turn on my family because they're no longer Muslim and me for keeping in touch with them. I've heard of these things happening. We are about to lose a lot of people that we considered very close; people that we considered aunts, uncles, and cousins. I know for sure that my brother is about to lose two of his oldest friends because their father (an old family friend) is never going to let them hang out with him. I know that life will go on and everyone will make new friends but it's like saying good-bye to an entire lifetime. I just hope that everyone is prepared for that but, more than anything; I hope that everyone finds what they're looking for.

Sugar Daddy

My younger sister feels that she needs an older husband to take care of her. And I'm talking seriously older, like 40-55. Before y'all start thinking she's a gold digger, she doesn't mean financially. She means he takes care of everything; pays the bills, fixes all problems or gets someone to fix them, handles household stuff, everything. She is kind of a mess. Despite being only 13 months younger than me, everyone has always treated her as if she's much younger. She's the baby girl. She doesn't cook, she doesn't clean, she can't handle stress, and she can't really take care of herself. I'm the most independent sibling and she's the least. Someone is always taking care of her and now she's convinced that she needs that for the rest of her life. She's got no shame about it; that's who she is. I mean, I know other women like her that have found nice older men to take care of them and it works out beautifully.

We're hoping that she'll get over it and lower the age requirement. In the meantime, she's into the online thing so my older sister and I were seeing what was out there in cyberspace. What should we come across but a sight called SugarDaddies.com. I'm talking serious sleaze here. Old men that appeared to be naked, "dominant dads" looking for "submissive daughters", ancient men looking for 22 year olds, all kinds of trash. It was terrible. However, we soldiered on and eventually came across a pretty decent site called Ageless Love or something like that. Who knows? Maybe she'll meet her distinguished Prince Charming online. Lord knows as picky as she is it'll be easier that way.

Sanctimonious Sue

Lord help me now. My niece, Big M, has become a Sanctimonious Sue and it's driving me crazy. Her big thing right now is the plight of little people (dwarfs as she insists we call them despite the fact that "little people" is a PC term) and people with various deformities. She's always watching specials on Discovery about little people, children born without faces, conjoined twins, and all sorts of other things that I just don't have the stomach for. I can barely stand the sight of blood, much less any of this other stuff. I understand that she wants to be a doctor and she finds this stuff interesting but there's just no need for the attitude. I mean, her little sister made a face and she went off. She tells her mother that she should stop her from making faces like that because there are people that are born disfigured and it's important to teach her not to make fun of them. She's a baby! She doesn't know what she's doing. A few days ago one of my sisters said her short, obnoxious co-worker was a midget with a Napoleon complex. Off went Big M on one of her rants about little people and how dwarfism is very serious and nothing to be joked about. Then came a lecture on the various forms of dwarfism. If that's not bad enough she's always trying to force us to watch these specials. She will put the same show on every television in the house. I've lost track of how many times I've had to tell her not to touch the television in my room.

I don't even have hope that she'll grow out of it because my younger sister went through a similar phase and she's still going through it. She will just lecture you to death and try to force her views on you. I refuse to be drawn into these conversations with her. I mean, there are things that I'm passionate about but there's a fine line between expressing your views and harassing people. I'm trying to teach that to M but I don't think she's there yet.

It amazes me how she can be so shallow and yet so caring about the plight of others. She's such a complex child. I don't want complex children. They're too much trouble

Annie Vision

For those of you not in the know, Annie Vision is all Annie all the time. Annie the movie, that is. Little M, all of 20 months old, has taken to watching Annie all day everyday. Yes, it's as bad as you imagine.....maybe even a little worse. The entire household now knows every song and most scenes by heart, including the scene with the Camille movie clip. Little M sings and dances her way through the entire movie. Then she sings and dances some more when it's over. Good times. She watches this movie about three or four times a day, everyday. Some days she doesn't even want to leave the house because she's watching Annie. You try putting something else on and she turns off the TV and screams for Annie. I'm so glad the portable DVD player is broken because the only time we get a break from Annie is in the car. Words cannot express how sick I am of this movie. Hopefully, she'll be ready to move on soon. Or I'll have a job and by the time I get home, she'll be her mother's responsibility. I guess I've just gotta hang on till tomorrow.
:)