Meet the Parents.......Part I (Recap)

Okay so dinner was a bit of a disaster. His mother hated me on sight. She turned her mouth all up like she was sucking lemons. And she seemed to be insinuating that I was a questionable Muslim. I'll start at the beginning.

I arrived right on time bearing homemade chocolate cake and a pretty bouquet. I wore a very pretty navy blue dress and pearls (oooh, I also wore the cutest spectator pumps in ivory and navy). Pretty, tasteful, classic. It was very Ann Taylor. We'll call this mistake number one. The Marine let me in, complimented me, and took my stuff. So far so good. He tells me the men are downstairs and the ladies are in the kitchen. Cool beans. We go into the kitchen to meet his mom and sisters (I've already met one of them). His mom takes one look at me, turns her mouth up, and says, "Sweetie, you never told me she didn't cover." COW! Where does she get her nerve? There is dead silence for a minute and he just says, "Mom" with this slight tone. I just smile politely and say, "it's a pleasure to finally meet you, ma'am." She cuts me this look and he says, "She brought dessert." It was kind of random but he was trying to move past the hijab incident (she wears jilbab). One of his sister’s pops up with, "oooh, that's so nice. What did you make?" I tell her a chocolate cake with butter cream frosting. I confirm that it was indeed made from scratch and we start talking about baking. His eyes start to glaze over (standard male reaction) and his mom tells him to go on. After he leaves (abandons me), she turns to me and says, "I never would have guessed a girl like you could cook." I lightly laugh and ask, "A girl like me?" You know what her response is? "A high siddity little debutante." WTH? Do people still say "high siddity?" One of his sisters is like "Momma!" This heifer is not even remotely shamed. She says, "What, this is my house and I can speak my mind." I started to give her ill bred behind a piece of my mind but, unlike her, I have self-control.

She proceeds to tell me that her son has told her all about me and she is not impressed by my "high flown" manners or over-priced clothes. What impresses her is a modest Muslimah with a pure heart and knowledge of the Qur'an and Sunnah. Really? Did she take it there with someone she doesn't even know? I told her (preceding with "please don't that this the wrong way) she didn't know me and therefore couldn't possible know anything about my heart or my knowledge of the Qur'an and Sunnah. I also told her that she also didn't know me well enough to judge my manners and that she need not concern herself with the price of my clothes. Then I neatly changed the subject and asked her if she'd like my help with dinner. Unsurprisingly, she declined.

Sometime after that, while I was coming back from the bathroom, I overheard two of his sisters talking about me. One of his Muslim sisters talking to his non-Muslim sister and telling her that she didn't know what (other than my looks) her brother saw in me. She said, "I mean she's nice enough but what's he doing to do with some prissy little sorority girl from the city?" ::sigh:: These people. At least his non-Muslim sister likes me. She told her to grow up and get over it. I'm not sure what she meant but she went on to tell her that I was a perfectly nice girl and they should all give me a break.

Things continued to be tense during dinner. His father was friendly and polite, asking me about my life and goals for the future. That's when The Marine's mother chimes in with how her son told her I was trying to break into event planning. She says, "That doesn't strike you as a little frivolous?" His father told her that there was nothing wrong with a young lady being a little frivolous. She then says that she considers it shameful that I have no higher goals than "throwing over priced parties for a living" but I'm not interested in staying home with my children. Oh, no she didn't. Y'all can't begin to imagine how shocked I was that he told her that but I kept a polite expression on my (very red) face. I told her I couldn't imagine how that was her concern and I didn't plan on discussing it with her. And on it went. She asked a million questions about my family and upbringing, all the while making little comments or noises. We made it to dessert without any bloodshed and everyone loved my cake. His mom even unbent enough to tell me it "wasn't bad."

Like I said earlier, total disaster. My sole consolation is that they enjoyed the cake. I can honestly say that never seeing his mother again would be too soon. She was a total witch and she has the manners of a troll. I don't care what her issues are; her behavior was completely uncalled for. At least she had the decency to wash my cake plate and give it back. Otherwise I would have had to explain to my mother why she could forget about it.

Naturally, I'm not too sure where this leaves us (the Marine and I) but I'm not really expecting to hear from him tomorrow and it doesn't bother me. I'm not crazy about the fact that he's (in my opinion) over shared with her, just a touch. Whatever. I'm tired so I'm going to bed.

Real Men Don't Crush

This one's for you, Atifa!

Awhile back, during college, I was teasing a guy friend about having a crush on another friend. He denied it and then proceeded to tell me that "men don't have crushes. That is a silly female affliction." Apparently, men get the hots for women, they have a thing for them, they like them, and they're interested in them. They never, ever have crushes unless they're gay. Maybe not even then. After I got over my shock (and laughter), it kind of made sense. I mean, when you have a crush, you're all giggly and stuff. I don't really see a man acting like that. On the other hand, having a crush is really just liking someone so even if you don't say the word aren't the feelings are the same? Hmmm, food for thought. I guess the jury's still out on this one. What do y'all think, do real men crush?

Time Flies

I can't believe it's been a year since I started blogging. Before I started blogging, I thought it was kind of silly and self-involved. Now, I can't imagine not blogging. I have gotten to know a ton of fabulous people through this blog and I look forward to getting to know many more. Everyday I'm amazed by how many people read this blog and actually care about what happens. I expected less than five readers; I never would have imagined so many people would be interested in my personal life. I guess I was wrong because not only are y'all interested, you clamor for more.

Thanks for an awesome year! I look forward to another one.

Meet the Parents.......Part I

OMG, OMG, OMG! I'm meeting his parents this weekend! Oh, my goodness. I'm pretty nervous. I hope they like me. They probably will, most parents do. Anyway, the invitation totally came out of the blue. There I was, trying to cajole him into coming to this art thing and all of a sudden he invites me to his parents place. Apparently, the entire family has dinner together once a month. This month, I'm invited. Now I've just got to figure out what I'm wearing. Obviously, I'm wearing a dress. The question is, which one?

Alright, y'all, wish me luck!

This could have been ugly

Me, the Marine, his sister (the non-Muslim one), and her boyfriend spent the day at the park. We were all off from work and she called and invited me. Nice of her, don't you think? Anyway, this particular park has a riding trail which we were able to take full advantage of thanks to her boyfriend. His family owns a ranch. We pair off into couples and before long, the sister and her boyfriend have gotten kind of far ahead of us. I am not what you would call an accomplished rider so we hung back. It was nice........until the horse threw me. Yep, I was thrown to the ground by a stupid animal. Something must have startled her because one minute the Marine and I were chatting/flirting and the next, the horse was rearing back. He's an excellent rider so he grabbed the reins and tried to stop the horse but it was too late. I'm not that good of a rider and I couldn't hold on. I hit the ground hard. In like two seconds he was off of his horse, containing mine, and checking on me. He made sure nothing was broken and fussed over me while I sniffled and tried not to cry (it hurt). Y'all know he carries a handkerchief. Naturally, it's of the crisp, white variety.

Anyway, there was no help to be had so he had to maneuver poor bruised and battered me and both horses. He did really well. He asked me if I thought I could sit my horse alone and I was like, "I don't know." Climbing onto the horse was definitely out of the question so he lifted me onto his, gathered my horse’s reins, swung up behind me and led us out of there.

I'm pretty bruised and sore but other than that, I'm good to go. The Marine was really sweet, he even called tonight to see how I was feeling. His sister called too, she told me that her boyfriend felt bad because it was his horse. Apparently she's usually very tame but she's never left the ranch before. Great.

The Buck Stops Here

Okay people, we're done. It's over. There is no more Anonymous posting on my blog. Not only is it confusing trying to figure out who said what, I also find it kind of rude. Recently I have been somewhat taken to task over things. I don't have a problem with this; I believe in free speech. However, this is my blog and you'll play by my rules. If you have something to say, by all means say it but don't think to hide behind a mask of anonymity because I'm not having it.

I hope I haven't offended anyone because I do value your readership but I don't care for all of this anonymous shenanigans.

The Kentucky Derby Test

As y'all may or may not know, the Kentucky Derby was this weekend. While, obviously, I didn't go; one of the Marine's CO's (commanding officer) had a Derby party at his house (gorgeous estate home) and we went. It was a test, plain and simple. The same test men always give; can you fit into my life? Please. Honey, I'm a Southern almost-Debutante, I can fit in anywhere. I showed up at the party looking like a million dollars. I wore a pink dress with a little cardigan over it, cute shoes, and the coup de grace; a fantastic hat (pink wide brim with feathers). And, yes, I wore my hijab. I tied it in a chignon at the nape of my neck. I looked fabulous.

Not only did the Marine have compliment after compliment for me, but everyone else did too. His CO's wife told me how much she loved my hat and I was a "darling' little thing." I danced with her husband twice. He's actually pretty charming. He thought I was the "prettiest little thing." Another wife commented on how good I was with the crowd. She said this was obviously my thing and that she wished she was better at it. I told her all she's got to do is fake it till she makes it. Then I started taking her around introducing her to people.

I'm sure most of them were expecting some mealy mouthed, socially inept, walking ten paces behind her man, stereotype of a Muslim woman. Never going to happen. I didn't hang on the Marine; he actually had to seek me out a couple of times for introductions. I was all things charming, polite, and gracious. I don't think there was anyone I didn't speak to at least once. Of course, I love all things social so I was in my element. As a result, I passed my test with flying colors. He says to me, "You were great tonight. I think you charmed everyone." I asked if I charmed him and he said "since the day we met." He wasn't sure I would enjoy myself because I didn't know anyone and it was mostly Marines and their significant others. Silly man. I just smiled and told him I love meeting new people, besides, after an hour together you're no longer strangers. He laughed but there was definitely relief in his eyes. It's basically like, can she handle this or is she going to make things difficult? I can handle it and now he knows so if we don't work out, it won't be because I can't fit into his life.

Just What I Needed

Today, the Marine gave me just what I needed. He sent flowers to my job. For the last week (two weeks really) I have been working almost non-stop trying to get the new store ready to open. I'm talking 10-16 hour days (and nights). Today was our grand opening. I worked from 8:30am to Midnight. Anyway, we've both been really busy (he's been on base) and haven't had time to see or get in touch with each other. Today, right before lunch, the florist came by with a beautiful bouquet of tulips. Imagine my surprise when I realized they were for me! I was so excited! The card basically just congratulated me and wished me a good grand opening. It was so, super sweet. I was tired and emotional (we all were) and it was exactly what I needed. It just brought my mood right up. I'm going to have to call and thank him tomorrow. I called today but he wasn't there. It was just so awesome. All the girls were jealous. Whatever, I'm always single. When everyone is cuddled up over the winter, getting Valentine's gifts, taking long walks over the spring, and going on summer vacations, I'm all alone. I deserve those flowers; after all, most of them are going home to someone that will rub their feet and back. I'm not. ::sigh::

And they were so beautiful. I mean, there were at least 30 tulips. They were yellow and white; they matched my outfit (tan suit, yellow top, yellow hijab). I'm a lucky girl. The only thing better would have been him there in person.

Confessions of a Lifetime Flirt

Recently, people have been commenting on my (and the Marine's) flirtatious ways. Let me just explain something to y'all real quick. Flirting is a Southern thing. For most of us, it's as natural as breathing. In the general course of things, it's in no way sexual. I call so many people (men and women), honey, baby, sugar, sugh, darlin', and everything else. It's being charming and I'm very charming. I smile, make jokes, make them feel good about themselves, etc. It's called social flirting and I'm quite good at it. For the most part, the tactics that I use on men work on women. Women like to feel special too. It's just a matter of fine-tuning.

I'll flirt with anyone from a newborn baby to an elderly gentleman. This is no secret. I've always been this way. I first practiced my flirting skills on my daddy at a very early age. It's the reason I got further with him than my sisters. I didn't cry or have fits. I sat in his lap, batted my lashes, and said "daddy, please". He almost always caved and when he didn't, I kicked it up another notch. I have yet to meet a man it didn't work on.....even the gay ones. One of my new (male) co-workers is gay but it works. He always does all the heavy lifting for me and gets things for me. He gives me my way. I established myself as a certain type of woman from the beginning and now I don't even have to ask. "Hey, Darlin', I could sooo use a pair of strong arms over. I'm doing just a little struggling with this box." He didn’t just help me; he said, "Oh, I've got you baby" and came over and took that box and all the rest of them. Cue squeal and mini jump with little clap. "Oooh, you are such a rock star! Thanks honey." Now he's putty in my hands. My boss's boyfriend is also putty in my hands. She doesn't worry, not only is she Southern, she also knows I have zip interest in him. We all tease each other and have fun but I've got them eating out of my palm. No harm, no foul. Being sweet as honey gets you very far in life.

As for the Marine (as I've taken to calling him here), we're interested in each other and I don't see any harm in letting it be known. We know exactly what we're pursuing and as long as we aren't coming on to each other or saying inappropriate things to each other, we're good. Aside from some slightly flirty banter, all he's done is compliment me and I don't see anything wrong with that. I quite like being complimented. He calls me gorgeous because he thinks I am and all other terms of endearment are probably just his way. That's how a lot of people down here are. The guy that semi-regularly waits on me at Starbucks calls me "sweetness." He's not even trying to pick me up.

Yes, the Marine and I are (very) attracted to each other but this fuss over flirting is much ado about nothing. We're not going to leap from flirting to falling in bed together. Never gonna happen. It's a conversation tool and a very useful one when used correctly. I recommend y'all (especially you ladies) read "What Southern Women Know About Flirting." It's a fabulous book, written by a fabulous belle.

******EDITED*******
I forgot to link to the book. My bad.

To Date or Not to Date

There has been quite a bit of fuss over the whole dating/non-dating, halal/haram issue here. I'm not a scholar (not even close) so I won't presume to know everything but I don't really remember reading the words "dating is forbidden." Men and women can't be alone together and we weren't alone together. I don't plan on being alone with him. However, I do feel that you need to know a person, at least somewhat, prior to getting married or even engaged. It's very difficult to do that with nosy elders or siblings hovering around you. Everyone is so busy trying to be on there best "parent" behavior that you aren't really getting to know the real them. Then you're engaged, because there's no reason not to be, only to have to break it off a couple of months down the line. I know Muslims that have been engaged more than three times. They have to keep breaking them off after a few months because they didn't know enough about that person. I'm trying my best not to be one of those people. At the same time, I'm trying not to do any real sinning. This is the result. I'm sure some of our dates will be chaperoned. Some of them won't need to be. This weekend we were in a crowded park so chaperones weren't necessary. I don't know about y'all but I would never be, to put it delicately, overly affectionate with anyone in public. I think it's tacky.

My own mother has concerns about this whole scenario, up to and including him being a Marine. She's not crazy about men in the military to begin with (dated some back in the day) and she's really not crazy about Muslims in the military. My brother wanted to go to the Air Force Academy and be a fighter pilot and she completely freaked. She feels it's a conflict of interest. She said he could fight for a Muslim country, which freaked me and my sister out. Our baby brother fighting for some third world country (most likely the enemy of our country), heck no! I mean, it's nothing personal, we're American and don't like the idea of our little brother fighting for another country. Anyway, she's got a bigger issue with pseudo dating. She doesn't believe that Muslims should date but, at the same time, she doesn't want us marrying or getting engaged to someone we haven't taken some time to get to know. I'm like, "and how will we get to know him if we don't spend time with him?" She says that's not dating but my sisters and I (being sane) disagree. At the end of the day, dating is spending time getting to know someone that you're romantically interesting in. Chaperoned or not, it's still pretty much dating. You can call it "talking", "hanging out", or whatever else; it's all the same. The only difference is that there's a right way and a wrong way of doing it. I won't say halal and haram because I don't like labeling things like that.

A man and a woman in a car, house, condo, apartment, or whatever alone together is wrong. We're clear on that. Meeting up for lunch, all good in the hood. An unchaperoned dinner in a dimly lit, romantic restaurant is asking for trouble. A Sunday brunch at a place filled with old ladies and society matrons, good times. Anything in a public venue, and by public I mean enough people around to discourage any type of canoodling, is pretty much okay. Hanging out at your families home with people drifting in an out (quasi-privacy) is also okay. Really, what are you going to do when a family member could pop in at any second?

I understand the importance of doing the right thing but at the same time, we (as Muslims) do have to adapt to modern times. Things are not like they were way back in the Prophet's (PBUH) time. And while I'm sure there are plenty of people that take issue with the whole "halal dating" scenario, I take issue with multiple engagements and/or marriages.

They say you never really know a person until you've lived with them and I suppose that's true. However, there's nothing wrong with trying to learn as much as you can prior to that point. I just don't really think it's possible to do that with a few IMs, phone calls, and family meetings. It works for some people, and that's fantastic, but we shouldn't pass judgement on those it doesn't work for.

Barefoot In The Park

Oh my goodness! I had such a great time! I haven't stopped smiling. Not only did we have a great time yesterday, we met for brunch today. That's right. But let's rewind.

We met up (no riding in cars with boys) at one of those street festivals. You know the kind; food, arts, crafts, music, etc. Anyway, we walked around for a while just talking and having a good time. After a while he asked if I was ready to eat. I said, I don't know, I kind of want to stay for the concert. He gets this look and is all "we could do both". I said, "Oh, I don't really want anymore of this junk food." He says he's got a plan and tells me to "wait right here." When he comes back, he's got a picnic basket. I was all, "OMG, a picnic, this is awesome!" And it was. He packed chicken salad, assorted crackers, a French baguette with butter, one of those mini cakes from Whole Foods (the strawberry one with butter cream frosting), and sparkling white grape juice. Y'all, he even remembered a blanket. I was so impressed. I was all giggly, and I said, "well, Lieutenant, you sure know how to impress a girl." He leaned in and said, "Darlin' I'm a firm believer in giving your best." Insert breathless giggle here. I know but it's all I could manage at the time. Anyway, after he served both of us and poured the sparkling, I asked how he managed to keep everything cold. Y'all know what he said? "A good Marine is resourceful." What kind of explanation is that? Which is exactly what I asked. He told me the information was "highly classified." Cute. I'll give him that.

Meanwhile, we had great conversations the entire day. We talked about everything (slight exaggeration). He's great. I can't believe I almost wrote him off just because he's in the military. Speaking of which, we talked about that too. He owes them two more years of service. He's not sure if he's going to continue after that or just be a regular working guy. With his education and experience, he knows it'll be easy to find a job but he can't really see himself doing anything else. At the same time, like so many others, he's not 100% thrilled with the military right now. It's something he'll have to work out for himself and I, obviously, won't be interfering in any way.

Anyway, he was a total gentleman the entire time. Nothing inappropriate. We decided to meet up so we wouldn't be alone in the car together. And since he wasn't driving me home, he followed me home to make sure I got there safely. Gotta love it. And brunch was just as perfect.

Senseless Tragedy

I'm sure by now, everyone has heard about the tragedy at Virginia Tech. My heart aches for VTech and my prayers are with them, their families, and friends. I can only be thankful that no one I know is injured or dead. It's times like this that you wonder what the world is coming to.

If at all possible, VTech students have asked people to wear burgandy and/or orange (their school colors) as a show of support and tribute the those lost.

Talk about a sign!

Guess who I had breakfast with yesterday? That's right, the Marine. Probably couldn't have asked for a bigger sign than him showing up right behind me at Panera Bread. I was waiting for them to double toast my bagel and heard "hey gorgeous." Naturally, I looked up and there he was. We started making small talk until our food was ready. Then he's all "have breakfast with me." I smiled, rolled my eyes a little and said (slightly sarcastically), "well, since you asked so nicely." So he laughs and says, "just shut up and have breakfast with me. You know you want to." I started laughing. I was like, "you're so bossy!" We ate and when we were done he goes (all cocky like he knows the answer), "should I take this as permission granted?" I said, depends on what you want. He was all, "you know what I want." Of course, I said yes. And he tells me not to make any plans for next weekend. I'm like what if I already have plans? He goes, "cancel them." I said, "you're pretty sure of yourself." He said, " I know what I want and I'm not afraid to take it." Ladies, that's hot. I was just a teensy bit breathless when I told him I was free next weekend. He just winked and said, "good." Then he walked me to my car.

Oh boy. He's a cocky you-know-what but it's pretty sexy. He gives me butterflies and it's definitely been a long time since I had any of those. Anyway, I've now gone from writing him off to looking forward to getting to know him. How quickly things change.

The Muslimah and the Marine

Sounds like the title of a romance novel, right? Yeah, it's not gonna happen. As much as I love a man in uniform, I'm not cut out to be a military wife. Confused? Sorry. I'll start at the beginning.

One of my regular customers was raised a Muslim. She no longer practices but her family does, including her brother whom she thought I would be perfect for. She chats him up and I agree to basically a blind date. We met for coffee.....and it was AWESOME. He was great. I mean, really good looking, tall, charming, so well mannered, fun, and really good to talk to. There's just one problem: He's a MARINE, y'all! I would be a terrible military wife. I would absolutely not be able to handle it. I mean, I love a man in uniform but it would never work. Plus, I would HATE living on base. Shoot, if I had known he was in the service I never would have agreed to meet him.

Of course, we had a great time and he asked if he could call me and I was like, I'd like that but I don't think it would work. And he knew right off the bat. He was like, it's the military thing right? I said, I just don't think I can do it. He was all teasingly "never say never" "you don't know unless you give it a shot". I told him that usually that's my attitude but I just don't think it'll work. He said he wasn't going to beg (I most certainly wasn't expecting him to) and gave me his contact info if I changed my mind.

Hmm, what to do, what to do? If he wasn't in the military I wouldn't hesitate to contact him but he is. It's very sexy but I'm not cut out for it. He seems like great guy but I'm pretty positive it wouldn't work. So why am I debating this?

Yay Me!

Remember that promotion I told y'all about? I got it! I'm so super excited. This is my first real promotion. I start next week. Good-bye job hunting, hello real employment! In addition to my management responsibilities, I'll be handling marketing and events. If nothing else, this job will help build my event planning portfolio. I'm totally celebrating this weekend. See? Good things come to those who wait.

Still Here

I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm still around. I've just been kind of busy lately. I'll be posting again soon.

Happy Birthday to me!

Today's my 25th birthday! I've officially said good-bye to my youth. No longer can I be included in the 18-24 age group. And you know what? That's cool with me. Growing up is not a bad thing. I may not be where I thought I would be but there are a lot of good things in my life and plenty more to come. So today we celebrate me and my fabulosity hitting the quarter century mark. I've already had a great day and I'm going to wind it down with chocolate cupcakes, a glass of wine, and Grey's Anatomy. Good times.

I strongly urge the rest of you to have something delish on my behalf.

Toodles!

Final Farewell

Well, I've gone and done it. I've finally changed my cell phone number over from a VA area code to an NC one. I've severed one of my last (non-emotional) ties to VA. I've had that number for almost six years but it was time to move on. Now I just need to get that NC drivers license. My VA one expires on the 15th of this month (my birthday). I can't be "ridin dirrty".

Convertable Husbands

Convertible Husbands: The latest matrimonial craze.

I'm sure most of y'all know someone with one. BUT, for those of you that don't know, a convertible husband is a non-Muslim that converted so y'all could get married. I know a few sisters that have done this and it seems to be getting even more popular. In a way I can understand where they're coming from, especially the foreign sisters. Non-Muslim guys don't seem to have the same "issues" as a lot of Muslim guys. It seems to me that a lot (not all) brothers seem to have this thing wear they want this hot, willing to be freaky, vestal virgin. She doesn't exist. They don't want her too religious because then she's no fun but they don’t want her too worldly because then maybe he isn't the first man in her life. The problem with this mentality is that unless a girl is pretty religious chances are she's had some sort of romantic entanglement and I'm not even talking about dating or sleeping around. What about talking to prospects, falling for friends, broken engagements, and all of the things that make up life outside of a bubble? Heck, even a religious girl could have had one of these. In this day and age, in this country, there's only so much innocence a girl over a certain age can have. Frankly, too much innocence is dangerous. Anyway, I'm straying from the topic.

Non-Muslims are far more blasé about this type of thing. For most of them, simply being a virgin (or not too experienced) is good enough. To most non-Muslims, that implies that you haven't been in a too serious relationship and likely have no real (relationship) baggage. They don't worry over every little nuance. They take what you tell them and work from that. They don't delve deep into everything little thing you've ever done. A lot of sisters are telling me that it's a welcome break; that it's nice not to have someone worrying about you being in a car alone with a guy for 15 minutes during sophomore year. They also seem more able to be the type of husbands that a lot of sisters want. I'll let y'all read what you will into that last statement. I'm not going into all of the things my girlfriends said they feel our brothers are lacking.

That being said, I think a lot of us are too harsh on our brothers. Yes, there are a lot of them with serious issues but there are a lot of really good ones too. And are we so faultless? I think not. Besides, as far as I can tell, converting your own husband is not without its problems. First, there's bringing him around. It takes a lot to get someone to renounce their religion and/or way of life. Second, there's the whole family issue. He may be willing and ready to convert but they probably won't like it or the bride to be. There's also the issue of the girl's family, they probably won't like him or the situation. It may always be a problem. I've seen it go both ways. A friend of my older sister's did this with a guy she met in med school and both of their families came around in record time. They've been married for over ten years, MashaAllah. I also knew of a girl whose marriage fell apart in less than a year because everyone was so against it and it tore them apart. Interestingly enough, he stayed with Islam and she left. Third (and, I think, final), there's the culture shock. If you've come from Christianity or no religion at all, it's a huge shocker. There are so many things that are different and so much that you have to give up, not to mention the Muslims themselves. It's a lot to deal with and everyone doesn't handle it well. Little everyday things that didn't used to matter suddenly become a big deal. And let's not even get into something like planning a wedding. It's crazy.

I don't think it's for me but I can't say for sure. As it stands now, I don't feel like I'm having such a difficult time with Muslim men that I need to start pursuing non-Muslims and I work hard at making sure I don't just fall for one. And while I'm willing to concede that I've met far more non-Muslim men I could see myself with long term, I think that's because I haven't had the chance really get to know most Muslim men. That's the real problem with Muslim gender relations. We just don't get to know each other. It's so much easier to get to know non-Muslims of the opposite sex. Most of us are segregated growing up and then when we start college or join the work force, we wind up keeping that distance from each other. For instance, Muslim girls are not even on my 17 y/o brother's radar. He hasn't spoken to a Muslim girl his age since he was six! He doesn't know any so he doesn't think about them. As far as he's concerned, outside of his family, they don't even exist. His friends are the same way. The Muslim girls at school don't talk to them and vice versa and they don't interact at youth functions. What's even sadder than that is that the brave few that do interact are always being accused of having some type of inappropriate relationship.

This could be a problem

Houston, we have a problem. I'm spending way too much time around non-Muslims and as a result, I hardly know any Muslims (men or women). As my mother told me, I'm not putting myself in the path of "eligible brothers." I'm willing to concede that this is partially.....::sigh::......fine, mostly my fault. I know exactly what the problem is. Now I just have to correct it. I need to start going to the masjid and attending other Islamic functions. Correction: I am going to start attending Islamic functions and going to the masjid. And nobody mention MSA because I am far too old to be at MSA functions. I rarely go to the masjid because it's out of the way and it seems like I always have something else to do. It's funny because growing up I was Little Miss Masjid. I was all thick up in the youth group, I was always volunteering for something, and I spent part of almost every weekend there. If I wasn't doing something masjid related I was volunteering with CAIR or something else Islamic. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that I haven't volunteered with any Muslim organizations in a long, long time. The main problem with this, in addition to the startling lack of Muslims in my life, is that I wind up hanging out with a bunch of non-Muslims. Now I'm not one of those people that feel they can't have non-Muslim friends, but, sometimes, it's nice to hang out with someone that gets it.

Of course, my mother continues to point out how unacceptable it would be to get "romantically involved" with a non-Muslim. Duh. That's so not going to happen. I've never given in to that particular temptation before so why would I start now? It's certainly far less acceptable at almost 25 than it was at 19. Besides, the whole mixing religions thing is far too complicated. Who needs the bother? Meanwhile, I'm thanking God she doesn’t know that one of the guys I volunteer with has asked me out twice. Naturally, I turned him down both times. It's too bad, really. He's beyond good-looking. Oh, well, he's not for me.