Friday, June 23, 2006

Drive Me Crazy

I'm beginning to think that it's possible to be driven crazy by your family. Lord knows I'm almost there. I love my mother to death but our relationship is, to put it mildly, complicated. Same goes for me and my older sister. Of course, she's not my biggest fan either. But that's not the issue here. The issue is, as usual, my attempt at independence. These never go well and usually, I back down but not this time. I am planning to leave the nest at the end of this year or the beginning of next year (it all depends on the finances).
This disturbs them, greatly. Apparently, I am selfish. I have committed the biggest crime in this family, post divorce. I have tried to have a life of my own, one that involves not paying bills at home and not baby-sitting other people's children at the expense of what I want to do. And the thing that really gets me is that I never complained about doing these things or even minded because that's what family is all about. When my parents split up, five years ago, we all made sacrifices and helped out around the house. I was guilted out of going away to college because it would worry my mom and put a financial strain on the family. I accepted that, sucked it up, went to school from home, and had a really good time.
College is over and I'm 24. I want my own place and some independence. I also don't particularly like living at home. There are far too many people in this house and way too much drama.
Naturally, I'm really excited about this transition to full adulthood and, according to mother and big sis, I am constantly talking about it. I was totally unaware of this but it could be true. I know I have talked about it. My mother's brought it up by asking about roommates and trying to talk me out of it. My older sister has brought it up by asking when I'm moving out, etc. Other than that, I really haven't mentioned it much. Now I'm not going to mention it at all. My mom has been pointing out apartment complexes and saying how nice they look and stuff. All she gets back is dead silence. I'm done. It's a totally off-limits topic for her and my older sister.
The same thing happened when I was in college and wanted to go Greek. My mother was so against it. She kept being nasty about it and telling me not to do it. She didn't want me to be a part of anything that wasn't the MSA (Muslim Students Association). I finally told her that I did what she wanted, I stayed home and went to college. This was my show now and I was going to do what I wanted. I was no longer a child and she couldn't choose my extracurriculars. I never mentioned my sorority or anything else I was doing in her presence again. I didn't even invite her to stuff. And amazingly, I never felt one bit of guilt or remorse. I guess it's because I know my mother. When she doesn't approve of something she just picks it to death; making nasty comments, complaining, and generally being disagreeable about everything having to do with it.
There isn't even any point in trying to talk to her about her actions. Been there, done that, should've got a tee shirt. The first thing out of her mouth is that she resents that and the next is that it's your own fault/problem. Didn't feel you could talk to her? Your own fault. You should know that you can come to her. It's madness and I've finally gotten to the point where I'm just accepting that's who and how she is. I have, however, made it very clear that I won't hear anymore about the moving away issue. As far as I'm concerned, it's over and done with. She can either come to terms with it or not. My older sister has done much worse and hasn't been treated like this so I'm not going to stand for it.

BTW, the crappy temp assignment ended and I start another one with a different company on Tuesday. I'll let y'all know how it goes.

1 comment:

Maryam said...

Hey there SM, salams, enjoying reading your posts so far, found you linked via Maliha's blog.

Ah the dreaded independence issue, my father is quite severely into the "interdependence" element... not the "independence" element, he says it doesnt exist :|