Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Blind Faith

First of all, I want to send a huge, huge thank you out to everyone that responded to my last post. Y'all have no idea how much I appreciate all of the love. Now, that being said, I will be taking a hiatus from blogging to figure some things out.

This past weekend, while I was in VA with my family, I came to the realization that I'm a habitual Muslim. I'm just a Muslim because my family was, I don't know that much about the religion and it didn't really concern me. I was never really unhappy in my faith because I didn't really think about it. I followed all of the big stuff and some of the little stuff. Anything I didn't follow, I just figured wasn't that big of a deal and God would forgive me. I never questioned Islam or anything about it except for once when I was around 10 or 12. I was told that Muslims just need to believe, they shouldn't question God. Since I was a very agreeable child, I just went with that and never thought twice about it. As a result, after I grew up and wasn't attending Qur'an school anymore, I pretty much stopped learning about Islam. I knew what I could and couldn't do and that was that. Well, that's wrong. No religion should be a habit and you should know what you're supposed to believe. Because of that, I will be taking a break from this blog to learn more about Islam and decide where my future lies. When I come back (most likely at the end of the summer) I will let y'all know my decision and the future of this blog.

I hope y'all will understand that this is a journey I have to take for myself. It's high time I learned about the religion I'm supposed to be a part of and practice it accordingly. If I'm unwilling to do that, I need to find something else.

P.S. I'll still be reading your blogs. I can't be out of the loop.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Big Girls Don't Cry

It's the title of a new Fergie song (that I happen to LOVE) and it sums up my current life philosophy. There is actually quite a bit of drama going on in my life but there's nothing I can do except not let it get me down. As my co-worker always says, I've gotta do me. Let me just bring y'all up to speed.

My older sister is involved in an on-going custody battle for her oldest daughter. As I may or may not have mentioned, he's a fundamentalist Muslim that married my sister for a green card (didn't know any of this at the time) and after the divorce threatened numerous times to kidnap my niece and take her to Saudi Arabia. He has decided that he wants custody of her for various reasons and it's just a big mess. He actually tried to have my sister put in jail. Said she wasn't complying with the court order (untrue). Also, thanks to him, my poor niece is forced to see not one but two therapists. He feels that because she doesn't like him something must be wrong with her. As a result, she must see a therapist down here every week and in VA every other week. Her whole summer has been killed; no camp, no riding lessons, no parties, no nothing. I don't know why he would expect her to like him. He wasn't in her life for ages and since then has done nothing but alienate her. If she wanted to have the visits somewhere she liked, he would insist upon having them where he wanted; she asks for space, he comes closer; she tells him the kind of stuff she likes, he buys and does the opposite; and the only interest he ever expresses in her is how much Qur’an and Arabic she knows. Not to mention the fact that he's never been allowed to be alone with her due to his threats.
It's insanity but he's messing with the wrong family because if it's the last thing we do, he will be brought down. I personally will not rest until him and his b*&$h of a wife are tossed out of my country on their illegal alien butts. He isn't going to mess with my niece's life and get away with it. Mark my words, if it's the last thing I do, I will get revenge. I'm my father's daughter, vengeance will be mine. I'm sure that sounds very Soprano's to y'all but it's just how we roll. That being said, I am NOT going to do or have anyone else do anything criminal. I don't have it in me and he's not worth it.

Due to the aforementioned (I love that word) nonsense, we may be moving back to the VA/DC/MD area very soon. Like at the end of the summer. Nooooooooooooooo!! Y'all don't understand how much I absolutely do not want to go back. Unfortunately, M's sake, I must. We're very close and it would break her heart if her family split up on top of all of this. I'm so not looking forward to going back and if it were anyone else (except her little sister or my little brother) I totally wouldn't go. Starting over somewhere else where I wasn't always associated with some member of my family was fantastic. I could just be me. Also, I'm really not interested in seeing the same people, doing the same things, and going to the same places. Most of all, I'm not interested in the same people. A lot of whom I haven't heard from since moving but will be on me like white on rice the minute I get back. Gag me. That being said, I have been trying to look on the bright side. For instance, Metro (yay!), lots of stuff to do (although I like the stuff down here better), the city, and my family. I know the list is very small. The list of things I'm going to miss is much, much longer. Oh well, I have to soldier on.

Making me even more apprehensive about the move is the fact that I have recently discovered that the majority of my family are most likely leaving Islam. My mother, having converted from Christianity is now thinking of converting back. Her biggest problems are with Muslims and how they are and the restrictive nature of Islam. She has other issues too and she just no longer has Islam in her heart. She doesn't feel that she has a personal relationship with God. My sister's are basically feeling the same way. My older sister doesn't really pray anymore, hasn't stepped foot in a mosque in I don't know how long, and is really a Muslim in name only. And that's just because she hasn't figured out what else to be yet. My younger sister still prays and everything but she's not really feeling the religion; she's just scared to leave it. However, I feel that if it isn't in your heart, you need to move on. I mean, she has no interest in Muslims (including marrying one) or attending the mosque. She thinks Islam is too strict and she questions and takes issue with a lot of things about it. She currently says otherwise but I highly doubt she's going to stay a Muslim. Naturally, my little brother and nieces are going to become whatever their parents become. My mom is going to start exposing my brother to church and let him choose but he really doesn't practice now and has very little exposure to Muslims so it's no secret what he's going to choose. The girls are under the age of 12 so their just going to be what their mom is. It breaks my heart, it really does. Not because I think their going to hell but because it's always been us being Muslims. When the outside world didn't get being American Muslim, I could turn to my family and clearly that ship has sailed. I always thought that my kids would have it easier than I did. They would grow up with not only a mother that was raised Muslim but aunts and uncles as well. They would have Muslim cousins that they could celebrate Ramadan and Eid with instead of feeling left out over Christmas. Instead, I'm feeling like an outsider in my own family. Ramadan is in a little while and for the first time ever, I'll most likely be celebrating it alone. It's made even worse by the fact that, if we go back to VA, everyone will be inquiring as to my family's whereabouts and after the news is out, there will be whispers. Now before everyone starts thinking I'm making this all about me, I'm very concerned about how this will affect them. I really don't want the older kids to be confused. It has to be strange, being brought up one way and then switching mid-field. Also, most of the people we've always known, considered family even, are going to turn their backs on us. They'll turn on my family because they're no longer Muslim and me for keeping in touch with them. I've heard of these things happening. We are about to lose a lot of people that we considered very close; people that we considered aunts, uncles, and cousins. I know for sure that my brother is about to lose two of his oldest friends because their father (an old family friend) is never going to let them hang out with him. I know that life will go on and everyone will make new friends but it's like saying good-bye to an entire lifetime. I just hope that everyone is prepared for that but, more than anything; I hope that everyone finds what they're looking for.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Dive In

Alright, y'all....here goes nothing. I'm holding my nose and diving in..........to the online dating pool. Y'all better pray I don't drown. I'm not a strong swimmer. Yeah, okay we're done with the swimming bit for now.

My mother has been on me about perusing other matrimonial avenues. Now, I'm not big on the whole online thing. It kind of sketches me out. That being said, I do know people this has worked for. And, as my dear mother pointed out, it's not like I'm having the best of luck with other avenues. "You wouldn't want to get to old to have children." Wow. I had no idea I was so close to becoming a pathetic spinster. I think my cousins wedding set her off. Her and my aunts have been on me and my cousin (the groom's sister) like white on rice since then. They want more weddings and grandbabies. Apparently, we're getting on in years. I can't even be mad because it's kind of funny and kind of true. We aren't as young as we used to be and there are expectations.

Of course, I do want to get married, sooner rather than later so it makes sense to try something new. After all, there aren't that many opportunities to meet Muslims of the opposite sex once you're out of college. Also, I haven't tried anything new in a while and I did make a resolution to try new things. If any of y'all have recommendations for websites, let me know. InshaAllah, I'll be making my final decision over the weekend.

Alright, here I go. 1, 2, 3...............JUMP!

Monday, June 18, 2007

Coming Soon

Hey, y'all. I've been crazy busy but I'll be back soon. I promise!

Thursday, May 31, 2007

The Little Lady Agency

I don't know how many, if any of you, have read or heard of the Hester Browne book "The Little Lady Agency." It's one of my absolute favorite books. It's a British novel about this somewhat self-conscious girl that's super organized, exquisitely mannered, and good with people when she puts her mind to it. She decides to start an agency that basically provides girlfriend/mom services to me. You know the type; organizing things, sending gifts and proper correspondence, making sure they are clothed properly, improving manners, those kind of things. She's really good at it. She's firm but nice, which is exactly what you need to be.

Apparently almost everyone that knows me thinks I should become a professional organizer. My mother is constantly telling me this but I always figured it was so I could organize her closets. ;)
Anyway, since I'm OCD about etiquette, I've been to finishing school, I have a true gift for shopping and gift purchasing, I'm not only organized but really good at organizing others, and somewhat bossy; everyone thinks I would be really good at this. My older sister is like, "just let me make you some business cards and go for it." One of my cousins says that I'm a "Black, Muslim, Mary Poppins." Hmm, okay. I knew I was organized and, admittedly, a little overly concerned with manners but I had no idea everyone viewed me as this Mary Poppins/Clarisse Rinaldi (Grandmother from Princess Diaries) type of person.

While providing these services may be a good idea, I think it's best if I leave the single men alone. Although, God knows it would be a great way to meet them. Kidding! No, everyone else might be onto something. In addition to organizing parties, I could organize lives. Food for thought.

BTW, I mentioned the book because I'm currently reading the sequel and when this conversation happened; it made me think of that book.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Tag! You're It!

I've been tagged by Ruby to list my five favorite places to eat. Here goes nothing.

1. Cheesecake Factory. I absolutely love this place. They've got great food, ambiance, and they're really good with large groups. Also, they're one of the few places where I still like something on the desert menu.
2. Chipotle. Good food fast. Need I say more? Pretty much the only Mexican place I really like. I was so excited when I moved to NC and one opened a few weeks later. Really, y'all can't imagine my joy.
3. IHOP. Oh, the memories. This is my family's gathering place. We've done a lot of meeting up and catching up at IHOP. This weekend, the morning after my cousin's wedding, we all met there for breakfast. Everyone almost always gets the same thing but it doesn’t' matter. We're really not there for the food.
4. Olive Garden. Love this place, always have. I used to beg my parents to go to the Olive Garden. I like the music and I love the food. However, I will admit to some bitterness over them taking chocolate lasagna off of the menu. It was my all time favorite dessert anywhere.
5. Food Corner Kabob. OMG, they know me and my (immediate) family here. I've been eating there for as long as I can remember and every time I'm in VA I have to stop there. They have the best kabobs anywhere. You can't beat the food or the service. They give you so much food that most people (me included) have to save half for later. It's small and family owned, which is what makes it special.

Mmm, yummy. Alright, y'all. I want to hear from Haleem, Twenny-Two, Atifa, Sarah, and AKA. Thanks, y'all!

So much for my happy ending

The marine and I are dunzo. We ended it before I went away for the weekend. I'm a little sad about it but it was the right thing to do. There were quite a few things we disagreed on, he's got a bit of a temper, he rarely thinks he's wrong, and there's the whole mother thing. After our fight, we talked.......a lot. I prayed on it and I decided to end it. I mean, he doesn't think he has anything to apologize for. As far as he's concerned, he hasn't done or said anything wrong. His attitude is it was a fight and fights aren't pleasant. It just hit me; I can't spend the rest of my life with that kind of attitude. I'm actually glad we had that fight because the gloves came off. We stopped being nice and polite and that was good. The truth came out. And the truth is he thinks I'm spoiled and my family (that he hasn't even met) is pretentious. I think he can be a jerk, his mother is incredibly ill-bred, and he's a bit of a mama's boy. Obviously, this was doomed from the start. We just didn't know it.

Oh, well; you win some, you lose some. InshaAllah, I'll have better luck next time. Who knows, maybe I'll meet someone at the ICNA convention. Lord knows that's what my mother's hoping for.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Meet the Parents.......Part I (The Aftermath)

Alright y'all, he called me today. He was giving me time to "calm down." I'm sure that was for the best. Anyway, he called to apologize for her and her behavior. What follows is a transcript of our conversation.

Marine: I just wanted to apologize to you for my mom's behavior.
Me: Oh, that's fine. It's not your fault. I was just a little, I don't know, shocked I guess. I've never really been treated like that in someone's house before.
Marine: Well, she was out of line but you have to understand where she's coming from.
Me (only in my head): No I don't. She needs to get some manners.
Marine: She's always had a different type of girl in mind for me.
Me: A different type of girl?
Marine: I mean, I don't know, someone a little more modest and traditional.
Me: I see. And does she have a particular modest, traditional girl in mind.
Marine: I really don't see how that's relevant. (What?! How is that not relevant? I'll just take that as a yes.)
Me: That's not really an answer.
Marine: That's all the answer you're going to get.
Dead silence
Marine: ::heavy sigh:: Try not to take it too personally. You just represent the kind of woman she doesn't like and doesn't want for me.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Marine: See? That. You say things in this society girl tone and my mom just doesn't deal well with that. Because of how she grew up she hates society girls. With the finishing school and the sorority and they way you dress, you just represent that. She's never been part of the white glove and pearls set and she just doesn't have any use for it.
Me: I didn't throw that stuff in her face. I would never have said anything about it if she hadn't mentioned it. You told her all of that, not me.
Marine: It came up in conversation.
Me: How does that just "come up in conversation?"
Marine: She asked about you and I told her. Do you want a play by play of the conversation?
Me: You know what? The sarcasm isn't necessary. My mother didn't verbally attack you for not being a good Muslim and being a snob. Oh, I'm sorry, "high siddity."
Marine (in a tone that could freeze boiling water): Alright, you know what? It's over; I've apologized and explained her behavior. You're a big girl and you're old enough to know that not everyone has to or is going to like you. You're going to have to move past it because as far as I'm concerned, it's over and we're done discussing it.
Me (in an equally cold tone): Is that right? Well, then I guess there's nothing left to say.
Marine: Guess not.

Oh, no he did not even try to get an attitude with me. Telling me when a discussion is over. What? Who does he think he is? Oh, I am so mad right now. And what was that tone? Please, I am not scared of him. He does not want me to have to get ugly.
Y'all, I have just seen the future and it is not pretty. If we ever speak to each other again, we will have quite a bit to discuss. And don't even get me started on the other girl that's waiting in the wings. Such total crap. I'm so disgusted right now.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Meet the Parents.......Part I (Recap)

Okay so dinner was a bit of a disaster. His mother hated me on sight. She turned her mouth all up like she was sucking lemons. And she seemed to be insinuating that I was a questionable Muslim. I'll start at the beginning.

I arrived right on time bearing homemade chocolate cake and a pretty bouquet. I wore a very pretty navy blue dress and pearls (oooh, I also wore the cutest spectator pumps in ivory and navy). Pretty, tasteful, classic. It was very Ann Taylor. We'll call this mistake number one. The Marine let me in, complimented me, and took my stuff. So far so good. He tells me the men are downstairs and the ladies are in the kitchen. Cool beans. We go into the kitchen to meet his mom and sisters (I've already met one of them). His mom takes one look at me, turns her mouth up, and says, "Sweetie, you never told me she didn't cover." COW! Where does she get her nerve? There is dead silence for a minute and he just says, "Mom" with this slight tone. I just smile politely and say, "it's a pleasure to finally meet you, ma'am." She cuts me this look and he says, "She brought dessert." It was kind of random but he was trying to move past the hijab incident (she wears jilbab). One of his sister’s pops up with, "oooh, that's so nice. What did you make?" I tell her a chocolate cake with butter cream frosting. I confirm that it was indeed made from scratch and we start talking about baking. His eyes start to glaze over (standard male reaction) and his mom tells him to go on. After he leaves (abandons me), she turns to me and says, "I never would have guessed a girl like you could cook." I lightly laugh and ask, "A girl like me?" You know what her response is? "A high siddity little debutante." WTH? Do people still say "high siddity?" One of his sisters is like "Momma!" This heifer is not even remotely shamed. She says, "What, this is my house and I can speak my mind." I started to give her ill bred behind a piece of my mind but, unlike her, I have self-control.

She proceeds to tell me that her son has told her all about me and she is not impressed by my "high flown" manners or over-priced clothes. What impresses her is a modest Muslimah with a pure heart and knowledge of the Qur'an and Sunnah. Really? Did she take it there with someone she doesn't even know? I told her (preceding with "please don't that this the wrong way) she didn't know me and therefore couldn't possible know anything about my heart or my knowledge of the Qur'an and Sunnah. I also told her that she also didn't know me well enough to judge my manners and that she need not concern herself with the price of my clothes. Then I neatly changed the subject and asked her if she'd like my help with dinner. Unsurprisingly, she declined.

Sometime after that, while I was coming back from the bathroom, I overheard two of his sisters talking about me. One of his Muslim sisters talking to his non-Muslim sister and telling her that she didn't know what (other than my looks) her brother saw in me. She said, "I mean she's nice enough but what's he doing to do with some prissy little sorority girl from the city?" ::sigh:: These people. At least his non-Muslim sister likes me. She told her to grow up and get over it. I'm not sure what she meant but she went on to tell her that I was a perfectly nice girl and they should all give me a break.

Things continued to be tense during dinner. His father was friendly and polite, asking me about my life and goals for the future. That's when The Marine's mother chimes in with how her son told her I was trying to break into event planning. She says, "That doesn't strike you as a little frivolous?" His father told her that there was nothing wrong with a young lady being a little frivolous. She then says that she considers it shameful that I have no higher goals than "throwing over priced parties for a living" but I'm not interested in staying home with my children. Oh, no she didn't. Y'all can't begin to imagine how shocked I was that he told her that but I kept a polite expression on my (very red) face. I told her I couldn't imagine how that was her concern and I didn't plan on discussing it with her. And on it went. She asked a million questions about my family and upbringing, all the while making little comments or noises. We made it to dessert without any bloodshed and everyone loved my cake. His mom even unbent enough to tell me it "wasn't bad."

Like I said earlier, total disaster. My sole consolation is that they enjoyed the cake. I can honestly say that never seeing his mother again would be too soon. She was a total witch and she has the manners of a troll. I don't care what her issues are; her behavior was completely uncalled for. At least she had the decency to wash my cake plate and give it back. Otherwise I would have had to explain to my mother why she could forget about it.

Naturally, I'm not too sure where this leaves us (the Marine and I) but I'm not really expecting to hear from him tomorrow and it doesn't bother me. I'm not crazy about the fact that he's (in my opinion) over shared with her, just a touch. Whatever. I'm tired so I'm going to bed.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Real Men Don't Crush

This one's for you, Atifa!

Awhile back, during college, I was teasing a guy friend about having a crush on another friend. He denied it and then proceeded to tell me that "men don't have crushes. That is a silly female affliction." Apparently, men get the hots for women, they have a thing for them, they like them, and they're interested in them. They never, ever have crushes unless they're gay. Maybe not even then. After I got over my shock (and laughter), it kind of made sense. I mean, when you have a crush, you're all giggly and stuff. I don't really see a man acting like that. On the other hand, having a crush is really just liking someone so even if you don't say the word aren't the feelings are the same? Hmmm, food for thought. I guess the jury's still out on this one. What do y'all think, do real men crush?

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Time Flies

I can't believe it's been a year since I started blogging. Before I started blogging, I thought it was kind of silly and self-involved. Now, I can't imagine not blogging. I have gotten to know a ton of fabulous people through this blog and I look forward to getting to know many more. Everyday I'm amazed by how many people read this blog and actually care about what happens. I expected less than five readers; I never would have imagined so many people would be interested in my personal life. I guess I was wrong because not only are y'all interested, you clamor for more.

Thanks for an awesome year! I look forward to another one.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Meet the Parents.......Part I

OMG, OMG, OMG! I'm meeting his parents this weekend! Oh, my goodness. I'm pretty nervous. I hope they like me. They probably will, most parents do. Anyway, the invitation totally came out of the blue. There I was, trying to cajole him into coming to this art thing and all of a sudden he invites me to his parents place. Apparently, the entire family has dinner together once a month. This month, I'm invited. Now I've just got to figure out what I'm wearing. Obviously, I'm wearing a dress. The question is, which one?

Alright, y'all, wish me luck!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

This could have been ugly

Me, the Marine, his sister (the non-Muslim one), and her boyfriend spent the day at the park. We were all off from work and she called and invited me. Nice of her, don't you think? Anyway, this particular park has a riding trail which we were able to take full advantage of thanks to her boyfriend. His family owns a ranch. We pair off into couples and before long, the sister and her boyfriend have gotten kind of far ahead of us. I am not what you would call an accomplished rider so we hung back. It was nice........until the horse threw me. Yep, I was thrown to the ground by a stupid animal. Something must have startled her because one minute the Marine and I were chatting/flirting and the next, the horse was rearing back. He's an excellent rider so he grabbed the reins and tried to stop the horse but it was too late. I'm not that good of a rider and I couldn't hold on. I hit the ground hard. In like two seconds he was off of his horse, containing mine, and checking on me. He made sure nothing was broken and fussed over me while I sniffled and tried not to cry (it hurt). Y'all know he carries a handkerchief. Naturally, it's of the crisp, white variety.

Anyway, there was no help to be had so he had to maneuver poor bruised and battered me and both horses. He did really well. He asked me if I thought I could sit my horse alone and I was like, "I don't know." Climbing onto the horse was definitely out of the question so he lifted me onto his, gathered my horse’s reins, swung up behind me and led us out of there.

I'm pretty bruised and sore but other than that, I'm good to go. The Marine was really sweet, he even called tonight to see how I was feeling. His sister called too, she told me that her boyfriend felt bad because it was his horse. Apparently she's usually very tame but she's never left the ranch before. Great.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The Buck Stops Here

Okay people, we're done. It's over. There is no more Anonymous posting on my blog. Not only is it confusing trying to figure out who said what, I also find it kind of rude. Recently I have been somewhat taken to task over things. I don't have a problem with this; I believe in free speech. However, this is my blog and you'll play by my rules. If you have something to say, by all means say it but don't think to hide behind a mask of anonymity because I'm not having it.

I hope I haven't offended anyone because I do value your readership but I don't care for all of this anonymous shenanigans.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

The Kentucky Derby Test

As y'all may or may not know, the Kentucky Derby was this weekend. While, obviously, I didn't go; one of the Marine's CO's (commanding officer) had a Derby party at his house (gorgeous estate home) and we went. It was a test, plain and simple. The same test men always give; can you fit into my life? Please. Honey, I'm a Southern almost-Debutante, I can fit in anywhere. I showed up at the party looking like a million dollars. I wore a pink dress with a little cardigan over it, cute shoes, and the coup de grace; a fantastic hat (pink wide brim with feathers). And, yes, I wore my hijab. I tied it in a chignon at the nape of my neck. I looked fabulous.

Not only did the Marine have compliment after compliment for me, but everyone else did too. His CO's wife told me how much she loved my hat and I was a "darling' little thing." I danced with her husband twice. He's actually pretty charming. He thought I was the "prettiest little thing." Another wife commented on how good I was with the crowd. She said this was obviously my thing and that she wished she was better at it. I told her all she's got to do is fake it till she makes it. Then I started taking her around introducing her to people.

I'm sure most of them were expecting some mealy mouthed, socially inept, walking ten paces behind her man, stereotype of a Muslim woman. Never going to happen. I didn't hang on the Marine; he actually had to seek me out a couple of times for introductions. I was all things charming, polite, and gracious. I don't think there was anyone I didn't speak to at least once. Of course, I love all things social so I was in my element. As a result, I passed my test with flying colors. He says to me, "You were great tonight. I think you charmed everyone." I asked if I charmed him and he said "since the day we met." He wasn't sure I would enjoy myself because I didn't know anyone and it was mostly Marines and their significant others. Silly man. I just smiled and told him I love meeting new people, besides, after an hour together you're no longer strangers. He laughed but there was definitely relief in his eyes. It's basically like, can she handle this or is she going to make things difficult? I can handle it and now he knows so if we don't work out, it won't be because I can't fit into his life.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Just What I Needed

Today, the Marine gave me just what I needed. He sent flowers to my job. For the last week (two weeks really) I have been working almost non-stop trying to get the new store ready to open. I'm talking 10-16 hour days (and nights). Today was our grand opening. I worked from 8:30am to Midnight. Anyway, we've both been really busy (he's been on base) and haven't had time to see or get in touch with each other. Today, right before lunch, the florist came by with a beautiful bouquet of tulips. Imagine my surprise when I realized they were for me! I was so excited! The card basically just congratulated me and wished me a good grand opening. It was so, super sweet. I was tired and emotional (we all were) and it was exactly what I needed. It just brought my mood right up. I'm going to have to call and thank him tomorrow. I called today but he wasn't there. It was just so awesome. All the girls were jealous. Whatever, I'm always single. When everyone is cuddled up over the winter, getting Valentine's gifts, taking long walks over the spring, and going on summer vacations, I'm all alone. I deserve those flowers; after all, most of them are going home to someone that will rub their feet and back. I'm not. ::sigh::

And they were so beautiful. I mean, there were at least 30 tulips. They were yellow and white; they matched my outfit (tan suit, yellow top, yellow hijab). I'm a lucky girl. The only thing better would have been him there in person.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Confessions of a Lifetime Flirt

Recently, people have been commenting on my (and the Marine's) flirtatious ways. Let me just explain something to y'all real quick. Flirting is a Southern thing. For most of us, it's as natural as breathing. In the general course of things, it's in no way sexual. I call so many people (men and women), honey, baby, sugar, sugh, darlin', and everything else. It's being charming and I'm very charming. I smile, make jokes, make them feel good about themselves, etc. It's called social flirting and I'm quite good at it. For the most part, the tactics that I use on men work on women. Women like to feel special too. It's just a matter of fine-tuning.

I'll flirt with anyone from a newborn baby to an elderly gentleman. This is no secret. I've always been this way. I first practiced my flirting skills on my daddy at a very early age. It's the reason I got further with him than my sisters. I didn't cry or have fits. I sat in his lap, batted my lashes, and said "daddy, please". He almost always caved and when he didn't, I kicked it up another notch. I have yet to meet a man it didn't work on.....even the gay ones. One of my new (male) co-workers is gay but it works. He always does all the heavy lifting for me and gets things for me. He gives me my way. I established myself as a certain type of woman from the beginning and now I don't even have to ask. "Hey, Darlin', I could sooo use a pair of strong arms over. I'm doing just a little struggling with this box." He didn’t just help me; he said, "Oh, I've got you baby" and came over and took that box and all the rest of them. Cue squeal and mini jump with little clap. "Oooh, you are such a rock star! Thanks honey." Now he's putty in my hands. My boss's boyfriend is also putty in my hands. She doesn't worry, not only is she Southern, she also knows I have zip interest in him. We all tease each other and have fun but I've got them eating out of my palm. No harm, no foul. Being sweet as honey gets you very far in life.

As for the Marine (as I've taken to calling him here), we're interested in each other and I don't see any harm in letting it be known. We know exactly what we're pursuing and as long as we aren't coming on to each other or saying inappropriate things to each other, we're good. Aside from some slightly flirty banter, all he's done is compliment me and I don't see anything wrong with that. I quite like being complimented. He calls me gorgeous because he thinks I am and all other terms of endearment are probably just his way. That's how a lot of people down here are. The guy that semi-regularly waits on me at Starbucks calls me "sweetness." He's not even trying to pick me up.

Yes, the Marine and I are (very) attracted to each other but this fuss over flirting is much ado about nothing. We're not going to leap from flirting to falling in bed together. Never gonna happen. It's a conversation tool and a very useful one when used correctly. I recommend y'all (especially you ladies) read "What Southern Women Know About Flirting." It's a fabulous book, written by a fabulous belle.

I forgot to link to the book. My bad.

Monday, April 23, 2007

To Date or Not to Date

There has been quite a bit of fuss over the whole dating/non-dating, halal/haram issue here. I'm not a scholar (not even close) so I won't presume to know everything but I don't really remember reading the words "dating is forbidden." Men and women can't be alone together and we weren't alone together. I don't plan on being alone with him. However, I do feel that you need to know a person, at least somewhat, prior to getting married or even engaged. It's very difficult to do that with nosy elders or siblings hovering around you. Everyone is so busy trying to be on there best "parent" behavior that you aren't really getting to know the real them. Then you're engaged, because there's no reason not to be, only to have to break it off a couple of months down the line. I know Muslims that have been engaged more than three times. They have to keep breaking them off after a few months because they didn't know enough about that person. I'm trying my best not to be one of those people. At the same time, I'm trying not to do any real sinning. This is the result. I'm sure some of our dates will be chaperoned. Some of them won't need to be. This weekend we were in a crowded park so chaperones weren't necessary. I don't know about y'all but I would never be, to put it delicately, overly affectionate with anyone in public. I think it's tacky.

My own mother has concerns about this whole scenario, up to and including him being a Marine. She's not crazy about men in the military to begin with (dated some back in the day) and she's really not crazy about Muslims in the military. My brother wanted to go to the Air Force Academy and be a fighter pilot and she completely freaked. She feels it's a conflict of interest. She said he could fight for a Muslim country, which freaked me and my sister out. Our baby brother fighting for some third world country (most likely the enemy of our country), heck no! I mean, it's nothing personal, we're American and don't like the idea of our little brother fighting for another country. Anyway, she's got a bigger issue with pseudo dating. She doesn't believe that Muslims should date but, at the same time, she doesn't want us marrying or getting engaged to someone we haven't taken some time to get to know. I'm like, "and how will we get to know him if we don't spend time with him?" She says that's not dating but my sisters and I (being sane) disagree. At the end of the day, dating is spending time getting to know someone that you're romantically interesting in. Chaperoned or not, it's still pretty much dating. You can call it "talking", "hanging out", or whatever else; it's all the same. The only difference is that there's a right way and a wrong way of doing it. I won't say halal and haram because I don't like labeling things like that.

A man and a woman in a car, house, condo, apartment, or whatever alone together is wrong. We're clear on that. Meeting up for lunch, all good in the hood. An unchaperoned dinner in a dimly lit, romantic restaurant is asking for trouble. A Sunday brunch at a place filled with old ladies and society matrons, good times. Anything in a public venue, and by public I mean enough people around to discourage any type of canoodling, is pretty much okay. Hanging out at your families home with people drifting in an out (quasi-privacy) is also okay. Really, what are you going to do when a family member could pop in at any second?

I understand the importance of doing the right thing but at the same time, we (as Muslims) do have to adapt to modern times. Things are not like they were way back in the Prophet's (PBUH) time. And while I'm sure there are plenty of people that take issue with the whole "halal dating" scenario, I take issue with multiple engagements and/or marriages.

They say you never really know a person until you've lived with them and I suppose that's true. However, there's nothing wrong with trying to learn as much as you can prior to that point. I just don't really think it's possible to do that with a few IMs, phone calls, and family meetings. It works for some people, and that's fantastic, but we shouldn't pass judgement on those it doesn't work for.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Barefoot In The Park

Oh my goodness! I had such a great time! I haven't stopped smiling. Not only did we have a great time yesterday, we met for brunch today. That's right. But let's rewind.

We met up (no riding in cars with boys) at one of those street festivals. You know the kind; food, arts, crafts, music, etc. Anyway, we walked around for a while just talking and having a good time. After a while he asked if I was ready to eat. I said, I don't know, I kind of want to stay for the concert. He gets this look and is all "we could do both". I said, "Oh, I don't really want anymore of this junk food." He says he's got a plan and tells me to "wait right here." When he comes back, he's got a picnic basket. I was all, "OMG, a picnic, this is awesome!" And it was. He packed chicken salad, assorted crackers, a French baguette with butter, one of those mini cakes from Whole Foods (the strawberry one with butter cream frosting), and sparkling white grape juice. Y'all, he even remembered a blanket. I was so impressed. I was all giggly, and I said, "well, Lieutenant, you sure know how to impress a girl." He leaned in and said, "Darlin' I'm a firm believer in giving your best." Insert breathless giggle here. I know but it's all I could manage at the time. Anyway, after he served both of us and poured the sparkling, I asked how he managed to keep everything cold. Y'all know what he said? "A good Marine is resourceful." What kind of explanation is that? Which is exactly what I asked. He told me the information was "highly classified." Cute. I'll give him that.

Meanwhile, we had great conversations the entire day. We talked about everything (slight exaggeration). He's great. I can't believe I almost wrote him off just because he's in the military. Speaking of which, we talked about that too. He owes them two more years of service. He's not sure if he's going to continue after that or just be a regular working guy. With his education and experience, he knows it'll be easy to find a job but he can't really see himself doing anything else. At the same time, like so many others, he's not 100% thrilled with the military right now. It's something he'll have to work out for himself and I, obviously, won't be interfering in any way.

Anyway, he was a total gentleman the entire time. Nothing inappropriate. We decided to meet up so we wouldn't be alone in the car together. And since he wasn't driving me home, he followed me home to make sure I got there safely. Gotta love it. And brunch was just as perfect.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Senseless Tragedy

I'm sure by now, everyone has heard about the tragedy at Virginia Tech. My heart aches for VTech and my prayers are with them, their families, and friends. I can only be thankful that no one I know is injured or dead. It's times like this that you wonder what the world is coming to.

If at all possible, VTech students have asked people to wear burgandy and/or orange (their school colors) as a show of support and tribute the those lost.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Talk about a sign!

Guess who I had breakfast with yesterday? That's right, the Marine. Probably couldn't have asked for a bigger sign than him showing up right behind me at Panera Bread. I was waiting for them to double toast my bagel and heard "hey gorgeous." Naturally, I looked up and there he was. We started making small talk until our food was ready. Then he's all "have breakfast with me." I smiled, rolled my eyes a little and said (slightly sarcastically), "well, since you asked so nicely." So he laughs and says, "just shut up and have breakfast with me. You know you want to." I started laughing. I was like, "you're so bossy!" We ate and when we were done he goes (all cocky like he knows the answer), "should I take this as permission granted?" I said, depends on what you want. He was all, "you know what I want." Of course, I said yes. And he tells me not to make any plans for next weekend. I'm like what if I already have plans? He goes, "cancel them." I said, "you're pretty sure of yourself." He said, " I know what I want and I'm not afraid to take it." Ladies, that's hot. I was just a teensy bit breathless when I told him I was free next weekend. He just winked and said, "good." Then he walked me to my car.

Oh boy. He's a cocky you-know-what but it's pretty sexy. He gives me butterflies and it's definitely been a long time since I had any of those. Anyway, I've now gone from writing him off to looking forward to getting to know him. How quickly things change.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Muslimah and the Marine

Sounds like the title of a romance novel, right? Yeah, it's not gonna happen. As much as I love a man in uniform, I'm not cut out to be a military wife. Confused? Sorry. I'll start at the beginning.

One of my regular customers was raised a Muslim. She no longer practices but her family does, including her brother whom she thought I would be perfect for. She chats him up and I agree to basically a blind date. We met for coffee.....and it was AWESOME. He was great. I mean, really good looking, tall, charming, so well mannered, fun, and really good to talk to. There's just one problem: He's a MARINE, y'all! I would be a terrible military wife. I would absolutely not be able to handle it. I mean, I love a man in uniform but it would never work. Plus, I would HATE living on base. Shoot, if I had known he was in the service I never would have agreed to meet him.

Of course, we had a great time and he asked if he could call me and I was like, I'd like that but I don't think it would work. And he knew right off the bat. He was like, it's the military thing right? I said, I just don't think I can do it. He was all teasingly "never say never" "you don't know unless you give it a shot". I told him that usually that's my attitude but I just don't think it'll work. He said he wasn't going to beg (I most certainly wasn't expecting him to) and gave me his contact info if I changed my mind.

Hmm, what to do, what to do? If he wasn't in the military I wouldn't hesitate to contact him but he is. It's very sexy but I'm not cut out for it. He seems like great guy but I'm pretty positive it wouldn't work. So why am I debating this?

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Yay Me!

Remember that promotion I told y'all about? I got it! I'm so super excited. This is my first real promotion. I start next week. Good-bye job hunting, hello real employment! In addition to my management responsibilities, I'll be handling marketing and events. If nothing else, this job will help build my event planning portfolio. I'm totally celebrating this weekend. See? Good things come to those who wait.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Still Here

I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm still around. I've just been kind of busy lately. I'll be posting again soon.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Happy Birthday to me!

Today's my 25th birthday! I've officially said good-bye to my youth. No longer can I be included in the 18-24 age group. And you know what? That's cool with me. Growing up is not a bad thing. I may not be where I thought I would be but there are a lot of good things in my life and plenty more to come. So today we celebrate me and my fabulosity hitting the quarter century mark. I've already had a great day and I'm going to wind it down with chocolate cupcakes, a glass of wine, and Grey's Anatomy. Good times.

I strongly urge the rest of you to have something delish on my behalf.


Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Final Farewell

Well, I've gone and done it. I've finally changed my cell phone number over from a VA area code to an NC one. I've severed one of my last (non-emotional) ties to VA. I've had that number for almost six years but it was time to move on. Now I just need to get that NC drivers license. My VA one expires on the 15th of this month (my birthday). I can't be "ridin dirrty".

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Convertable Husbands

Convertible Husbands: The latest matrimonial craze.

I'm sure most of y'all know someone with one. BUT, for those of you that don't know, a convertible husband is a non-Muslim that converted so y'all could get married. I know a few sisters that have done this and it seems to be getting even more popular. In a way I can understand where they're coming from, especially the foreign sisters. Non-Muslim guys don't seem to have the same "issues" as a lot of Muslim guys. It seems to me that a lot (not all) brothers seem to have this thing wear they want this hot, willing to be freaky, vestal virgin. She doesn't exist. They don't want her too religious because then she's no fun but they don’t want her too worldly because then maybe he isn't the first man in her life. The problem with this mentality is that unless a girl is pretty religious chances are she's had some sort of romantic entanglement and I'm not even talking about dating or sleeping around. What about talking to prospects, falling for friends, broken engagements, and all of the things that make up life outside of a bubble? Heck, even a religious girl could have had one of these. In this day and age, in this country, there's only so much innocence a girl over a certain age can have. Frankly, too much innocence is dangerous. Anyway, I'm straying from the topic.

Non-Muslims are far more blasé about this type of thing. For most of them, simply being a virgin (or not too experienced) is good enough. To most non-Muslims, that implies that you haven't been in a too serious relationship and likely have no real (relationship) baggage. They don't worry over every little nuance. They take what you tell them and work from that. They don't delve deep into everything little thing you've ever done. A lot of sisters are telling me that it's a welcome break; that it's nice not to have someone worrying about you being in a car alone with a guy for 15 minutes during sophomore year. They also seem more able to be the type of husbands that a lot of sisters want. I'll let y'all read what you will into that last statement. I'm not going into all of the things my girlfriends said they feel our brothers are lacking.

That being said, I think a lot of us are too harsh on our brothers. Yes, there are a lot of them with serious issues but there are a lot of really good ones too. And are we so faultless? I think not. Besides, as far as I can tell, converting your own husband is not without its problems. First, there's bringing him around. It takes a lot to get someone to renounce their religion and/or way of life. Second, there's the whole family issue. He may be willing and ready to convert but they probably won't like it or the bride to be. There's also the issue of the girl's family, they probably won't like him or the situation. It may always be a problem. I've seen it go both ways. A friend of my older sister's did this with a guy she met in med school and both of their families came around in record time. They've been married for over ten years, MashaAllah. I also knew of a girl whose marriage fell apart in less than a year because everyone was so against it and it tore them apart. Interestingly enough, he stayed with Islam and she left. Third (and, I think, final), there's the culture shock. If you've come from Christianity or no religion at all, it's a huge shocker. There are so many things that are different and so much that you have to give up, not to mention the Muslims themselves. It's a lot to deal with and everyone doesn't handle it well. Little everyday things that didn't used to matter suddenly become a big deal. And let's not even get into something like planning a wedding. It's crazy.

I don't think it's for me but I can't say for sure. As it stands now, I don't feel like I'm having such a difficult time with Muslim men that I need to start pursuing non-Muslims and I work hard at making sure I don't just fall for one. And while I'm willing to concede that I've met far more non-Muslim men I could see myself with long term, I think that's because I haven't had the chance really get to know most Muslim men. That's the real problem with Muslim gender relations. We just don't get to know each other. It's so much easier to get to know non-Muslims of the opposite sex. Most of us are segregated growing up and then when we start college or join the work force, we wind up keeping that distance from each other. For instance, Muslim girls are not even on my 17 y/o brother's radar. He hasn't spoken to a Muslim girl his age since he was six! He doesn't know any so he doesn't think about them. As far as he's concerned, outside of his family, they don't even exist. His friends are the same way. The Muslim girls at school don't talk to them and vice versa and they don't interact at youth functions. What's even sadder than that is that the brave few that do interact are always being accused of having some type of inappropriate relationship.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

This could be a problem

Houston, we have a problem. I'm spending way too much time around non-Muslims and as a result, I hardly know any Muslims (men or women). As my mother told me, I'm not putting myself in the path of "eligible brothers." I'm willing to concede that this is partially.....::sigh::......fine, mostly my fault. I know exactly what the problem is. Now I just have to correct it. I need to start going to the masjid and attending other Islamic functions. Correction: I am going to start attending Islamic functions and going to the masjid. And nobody mention MSA because I am far too old to be at MSA functions. I rarely go to the masjid because it's out of the way and it seems like I always have something else to do. It's funny because growing up I was Little Miss Masjid. I was all thick up in the youth group, I was always volunteering for something, and I spent part of almost every weekend there. If I wasn't doing something masjid related I was volunteering with CAIR or something else Islamic. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that I haven't volunteered with any Muslim organizations in a long, long time. The main problem with this, in addition to the startling lack of Muslims in my life, is that I wind up hanging out with a bunch of non-Muslims. Now I'm not one of those people that feel they can't have non-Muslim friends, but, sometimes, it's nice to hang out with someone that gets it.

Of course, my mother continues to point out how unacceptable it would be to get "romantically involved" with a non-Muslim. Duh. That's so not going to happen. I've never given in to that particular temptation before so why would I start now? It's certainly far less acceptable at almost 25 than it was at 19. Besides, the whole mixing religions thing is far too complicated. Who needs the bother? Meanwhile, I'm thanking God she doesn’t know that one of the guys I volunteer with has asked me out twice. Naturally, I turned him down both times. It's too bad, really. He's beyond good-looking. Oh, well, he's not for me.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Sugar Daddy

My younger sister feels that she needs an older husband to take care of her. And I'm talking seriously older, like 40-55. Before y'all start thinking she's a gold digger, she doesn't mean financially. She means he takes care of everything; pays the bills, fixes all problems or gets someone to fix them, handles household stuff, everything. She is kind of a mess. Despite being only 13 months younger than me, everyone has always treated her as if she's much younger. She's the baby girl. She doesn't cook, she doesn't clean, she can't handle stress, and she can't really take care of herself. I'm the most independent sibling and she's the least. Someone is always taking care of her and now she's convinced that she needs that for the rest of her life. She's got no shame about it; that's who she is. I mean, I know other women like her that have found nice older men to take care of them and it works out beautifully.

We're hoping that she'll get over it and lower the age requirement. In the meantime, she's into the online thing so my older sister and I were seeing what was out there in cyberspace. What should we come across but a sight called SugarDaddies.com. I'm talking serious sleaze here. Old men that appeared to be naked, "dominant dads" looking for "submissive daughters", ancient men looking for 22 year olds, all kinds of trash. It was terrible. However, we soldiered on and eventually came across a pretty decent site called Ageless Love or something like that. Who knows? Maybe she'll meet her distinguished Prince Charming online. Lord knows as picky as she is it'll be easier that way.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Moving On Up

I might be getting a promotion. Okay, do y'all remember when I told you that my (acting) manager thought I would make a good manager? Well, she was only acting manager at my store because our manager was on medical leave. Long story short, the actual manager came back (can't stand her) and the other girl went back. Now she's getting her own store and she's being promoted to Director of Events for the entire district. She wants me to come to her store, work as a manager and as Assistant Director of Events. I would love the job but she has to speak with our District Manager first. If everything works out, I will be moving on up. I don't want to get my hopes up too much but I'm pretty excited about it. InshaAllah, everything will work out but please, please make dua for me. I really want this job. The store opens in April and, if I get the job, I'll start in March.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Why Now?

People (older Muslim women) that have known me awhile keep asking me why I want to get married now. Today an old friend of my mom's called and when my mom told her she was looking, naturally she wanted to talk to me. She wanted to ask why now. I don't get that; it's not like I was ever against marriage. I just didn't want to be married while I was in college. I wanted to fully enjoy college without responsibilities. I did and now it's time for the next chapter in my life. I fail to see why this is a big deal. Yet, people keep harping on it. My personal favorite is "oh, you want a baby don't you?" Um, actually, not really. Not now anyway. Of course, I learned the hard way that saying that is not acceptable. Muslims don't want to hear that you aren't just chomping at the bit to procreate. So I just give a polite smile and say nothing. I figure it's better to do that than have it spread around that I'm some kind of a baby hater.

Why are people even asking a question like that? It's like at job interviews when they ask why, with my education, I want to work as a receptionist or administrative assistant. Why do you think? I need employment of some kind and I haven't found the job I really want so here I am. That, however, isn't an acceptable answer so I have to dig up an acceptable response. Same thing with this, I just pull out the most parent approved response; ::cue super innocent face:: I'm ready to settle down and, of course, fulfill half my deen. Then come the approving, maternal smiles and comments on how right and proper my attitude is. And, of course, how far I've come from that silly, gossipy girl. Yeah, I was like 15, let's move on.

Of course, no one wants the God honest truth, especially from a woman. One of my girlfriends is constantly saying that she's going to start telling people that virginity is over-rated so she's putting her's up for sale. The price is a $100k wedding and a European honeymoon. I've suggested she hold her tongue. Any response related to sex would be completely inappropriate; more so for a woman. Most people know that factors in with men, however, they are not willing to think about it when it comes to women. Our reasons for marriage are as follows; babies, security, babies, deen, and babies. Any hints at romance gain you a lecture on the harsh realities of marriage and getting some is a non-issue. This is fine because some things are not meant to be discussed in polite society. But why ask? You must know you won't get the whole truth so just let sleeping dogs lie. I just don't know why people insist on asking questions when they don't really want the answer.


Alright, this morning I was on Craigslist and I found the following advertisement in the employment section.

Looking for a Girl Who Will Let Me Rub Her Feet!! Willing to Pay!!

Will pay $10 per hour to any woman who will let me rub on her feet. Prefer Raleigh but will travel based on the circumstance. Flexible hours. If interested, please contact me as soon as possible.

Now that's a serious foot fetish. OMG, people are so freaky! I wonder what kind of woman is going to respond to this ad.

Monday, January 29, 2007


Why do these things happen to me? Now, today I was in Target with my 10 y/o niece and we popped in the ladies room near the Pharmacy. You know, the one that only one person can use at a time. Well, when we got there, there was a wait. That's when the fun began. There was a woman in there creating all sorts of commotion. I'm talking shrieking, grunting, muttering to herself, and kicking the wall. Big M and I are trying not to laugh and she's doing all this mouthing and pantomiming. Next thing we know, this girl bursts out of the bathroom holding a pregnancy test and says, "I'm pregnant and I already have one." Um, TMI much? What is wrong with you? Why would you say that and in front of a child? Naturally, I don't know what to say so I just go, "um, congratulations." I mean, it seemed wrong to say "I'm sorry" or "that's unfortunate." That wouldn't be right no matter how she feels. But why are you telling me this? The worse part was that she worked there. She was in her uniform, taking a pregnancy test and telling people about it. Great. Oh, and even better? She was our cashier.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Why can't we be friends?

Recently, I received an AIM from an old, former friend. He was a nice guy but we had to stop hanging out. I can't remember who fell for whom first or if we tumbled in together but it happened. He wasn't a Muslim so I just couldn't allow myself to go there. For that reason, I was content to keep my feelings to myself but he didn’t have that self-restraint. We tried to be friends after the big reveal but things were never the same. Eventually, we just drifted apart because neither one of us wanted to officially say that we couldn't be friends. There were the occasional IMs but things weren't the same. By the time six or so months had passed; we had completely stopped contacting each other. His recent message was full of warm, fuzzy reminisces. I was glad my away message was on. It would have been a nice trip down memory lane but not one we needed to take together.

There's a reason we're not friends anymore; it wasn't good for either of us. He was in love with me, I was halfway in love with him, and we couldn't (I wouldn’t) do anything about it. There's no need to be in that situation. It's best to just walk away. My foolish, young heart couldn't stand the thought of hurting him by constantly being around him and I didn't want to deal with it either so I let communication lapse. As for now, I just don't see a reason for us to reconnect. While I no longer have feelings for him; there's no need for us to relive the past. It happened and we've both moved on. Sure, we could chat online every so often but there's really no point.

I guess that's harsh but it's true, IMO. There are some people that I just feel don't need to keep in my life or let reenter my life. Former romantic entanglements are those people. There are people that can remain friends with their exes; they even prefer it. I am not one of those people. I am not a "let's be friends" kind of girl. If we started out as friends; things seem to be weird afterwards. If we didn't start as friends; what's the point? This is hurtful for a lot of people but if your relationship has ended, you have the right to not want to be around that person. It's not necessarily saying anything against the ex; you just can't be around them right now, maybe not ever. It could be that they're a constant reminder of a foolish mistake or a period in your life you would rather forget. It could be that contact with you, even hearing about you, reopens that wound. As much as it may bother you; there's really nothing you can do but accept it.

One of my sorority sisters was obsessed with being friends with all of her exes. By junior year she had this string of ex-boyfriends/pseudo friends that she kept in touch with. Then she has the nerve to wonder why she can't keep a boyfriend. No one wants to deal with all of that baggage you're dragging behind you. That's not cool and that's exactly what a bunch of exes turned friends are; baggage. You can try to dress it up but the plain truth is that you're just dragging your past around with you like an oversized weekender. Even if it's fine with you, think of how awkward it is for your significant other. Here you are reliving the good ole days with some ex-flame while simultaneously trying to cultivate this new relationship. I'm no psychologist but I just don't think that's conducive to a healthy relationship. Of course, there are exceptions; like the old friend you briefly dated but in general, it's just not a good idea.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Good Intentions

Okay, so reading all these posts on virginity, temptation, double standards, and whatnot has reminded me of something from my college days. Something that, post college, I warned my younger, Muslimah (play) cousin about. The Muslim brother with the "good intentions." I don't know how many of you ladies have met this man but he's a liar. This is the brother that gets all close to you and keeps telling you he's going to speak to your father, uncle, brother, whatever but keeps procrastinating about it. At the same time, he's trying to get in your pants or as close to it as possible. Now, as you may have guessed, I've had dealings with this type of guy. Fortunately, I was smart enough to avoid falling into his trap. I met A (sorry, I'm not good with clever nicknames) Sophomore year of college. I had to have him. He was a friend of a friend and said friend thought he was a "good, solid brother." In hindsight, he wasn't the best judge of character or the best of men. But whatever, that's a story for another time. Moving on. I wasn't the only girl that had a thing for him. A so-called friend wanted him too. I will admit that as a pretty and naive girl, used to getting what I wanted, I didn't consider her real competition. My mistake. A and I started hanging out at school, talking to each other on the phone, etc. We kept it kosher. Both of us being from "good" families, friends started asking the normal questions and I was wondering myself. He claimed he was going to speak with my uncle. In the meantime, why didn't we hang out without all these other people around. And so it went. Around and around. Him always trying to get me alone with him (usually at his place, Mr. BMOC) and me reminding him that he hadn't yet spoken with my uncle, or anyone in my family. The whole time, of course, Miss Thang is hanging around with her fast tail. Eventually, he stops calling me and I hear that they've hooked up. She paraded around smug for a few weeks and then it was over. He was asking my friends why I wasn't speaking to him, etc. They basically told him where to get off and over the summer we both got over it. He transferred to VA Tech and I never saw or heard from him again.
My point is this; he didn't have single good intention towards me. He wanted only one thing and when he didn't get it; he moved on. He got it from another young sister and then cast her aside. He'll marry someones virgin daughter and, in the meantime, people still talk about her and how she was always no good. No, she wasn't, but it takes two to tango. He's even more worthless because he's deceitful. He's (or was) a cad, a rake, a jerk, a bastard. Whatever you want to call it, that's him. I wouldn't have had him back for all of the money in the world because he had no respect for me or any other Muslim woman. He found it perfectly acceptable to lie in order to get what he wanted and that's unacceptable. Unfortunately, he's not the only one. A former friend of mine also tried this scam on an unsuspecting sister. Always going on about his good intentions when he didn't have any. She was smart so she got off easy. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen often. You tell a fairly innocent girl that it's okay because you're getting married anyway and she might believe you. She's foolish to believe it but it happens.
It's cruel to use women like this, especially Muslim women. It's not necessary to ruin an innocent young sisters life; because that's basically what happens. Word gets out and everyone acts like she's the biggest whore in town. They don't want to know the truth; that their precious son used and misled an innocent girl. She's a victim (of his duplicity and her stupidity and naivete) and he's a victimizer. It's a big, bitter pill for the Muslim community to swallow but until we start holding our sons as accountable as we hold our daughters, this kind of stuff will continue to happen. In the meantime, it's up to those of us that know to warn our younger sisters and guide our younger brothers.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

I'm back!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey y'all! Guess who's back? I'm so excited. It's been so long. I feel so out of the loop. It's going to take me a little while to catch up on what's been going on with everyone. I don't even know where to start with myself. It's not that anything major has happened, it's just that I haven't shared with y'all in so long. It's been like over a month.

Alright, first and foremost, I will soon be turning 25(Lord, take me now). My birthday is in March. In light of that, people have felt compelled to warn me that I am on my way to being a spinster. Great times. That's always good news. Really. It warms my heart. My great-grandmother told me over the holidays that I really need to get married soon because once I'm older I can "hang it up." "You don't want to be some tired old spinster, girl." You think? No, my life's goal is to be a dried up old maid. Fortunately, she's old, really old, so I don't pay her much attention. But everybody else is trying to weigh in on it. My mother, however, was "helpful" enough to, again, tell me that a lot of people don't marry until well into their 30s. Hmmm, yes, that's lovely. Really.

The sad part is, I'm not even hating being single right now. I'm kind of enjoying it. There are other things I'm trying to accomplish, albeit not at the expense of my love life. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting around some tired soon to be spinster. I'm trying to establish a career, get more involved in the community, etc. Of course, I have been warned (only by the older ladies) against seeming too busy. Apparently, no man wants a woman that doesn't have time for him. Meanwhile, it's not like my hours can be filled by waiting for Mr. Right to fall into my lap. I do have to do something. Of course, the truth of the matter is, most men don't want a woman whose entire life is him. It's very clingy.

Anyway, in the meantime, it's about the career. I can't stand the fact that my college education is going to such total waste. I mean, temping and retail? This is totally unacceptable. Since temping is keeping me as poor as a church mouse and I hate it, we're done with that. I'm only keeping the retail job for my discount, it's 40%. I'm now back to job hunting. As soon as I find a full-time job that can be my bread and butter, I'm going to start doing freelance event planning. One of my New Years resolutions was to take control of my life and that's what I'm doing.

Saturday, January 06, 2007


I just wanted to let everyone know that I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I'm having internet issues so I can't blog because I can't use my computer. It sucks and it's killing me. I may not survive using my mom's computer. We have wireless internet and her computer is the host so for some reason, it's the only one getting service. Anyway, I'm hoping (and praying) that this situation will be fixed sooner rather than later. InshaAllah, I'll be back soon. I have lots to talk about. In the meantime, I hope everyone had a fabulous holiday.

See ya soon!