Wednesday, December 13, 2006


Hey y'all! Gosh, I can't believe how long it's been since I've blogged. I've had a lot going on recently, which I won't blog about because some of it is work related (I would never blog about work) and the rest is kind of confidential. I will, however, blog about something rather ridiculous that happened to me recently.

As I told y'all, I am working in a clothing store (how a college educated woman with so much promise wound up working retail is beyond me but that's for another time). So I'm building a wardrobe for this customer and we're chatting and whatnot. Out of the clear blue she tells me that I'm such a nice young lady and I would be perfect for her son. Who just so happens to be a Muslim.......that converted in jail. Great times. She tells me that he's not a bad guy; he just got in with the wrong crowd and fell into some trouble. All he needs is the right woman to help him turn it all around.

Now I have several issues with this mentality. First of all, no one would want their "good" son to get involved with a questionable girl. So why would you think it's appropriate for a perfectly decent girl to attempt to reform so loser/criminal/whatever? Not cool. Second of all, where do you get the audacity to approach a random stranger or even someone you hardly know with this garbage? Third of all (yes, I'm taking it there), what's with all the excuses? Grown men don't "fall in with the wrong crowd." And if they do, that's their problem. As an adult, you know right from wrong and should act accordingly or be prepared to face the consequences.
As you may or may not have guessed, this is not my first run in with someone like her. She is the third stranger to tell me I would be good for some troubled male relative. There have also been some friends of the family that have said I would be good for their sons. I could help them get their lives on track, etc. I'm sorry; I'm not your mother or a therapist. I have no interest in helping some grown man get his life together. If you want a chance with me, you better already have it together. Furthermore, if I didn't have my stuff together; no one would want their son to come anywhere near me. As far as I'm concerned, that attitude goes both ways.

I told this presumptuous cow that I had no interest in her son or anyone else with a criminal or otherwise questionable background and that it was incredibly presumptuous and beyond rude of her to even mention such a thing to me. She got offended and told me to come off of my high horse. After all, I'm only working in a clothing store. No she did not go there, no this trick did not just go there. I gave her the coldest look and said in my haughtiest tone, "I'll have you know, not only do I have a college education, I graduated with honors (a bold-faced lie) from a very good university. I am working here for the discount and a little extra pin money. I suggest that you worry less about where I'm working and more about why your son is a criminal. Since you clearly have no clue as to how to behave, I suggest you start by looking in the mirror." Then she's all "you have nerve" and "I won't be spending a dime you your store." I just gave her a look that clearly said I couldn't care less and she put her stuff down and left. I don't care, she presumed far too much and she needed to be put in her place.


Anonymous said...

YOU GO GIRL! *applause* I'm sorry you meet such awful people!
Just my $.02 here, ignore it if you like: while I think its very important you stand up for yourself just maybe you should have been a little more polite rather than decending to her level.

Anonymous said...

Whoa, sis you definitely have some stories to tell! If it helps any, an old male bigot was repeatedly calling me at my (CAIR) office yesterday and I reported him to the police... all in a day's work, I guess.

Suroor said...

I think you did the right thing. Some people are very odd and yes very audacious.

I'd go with Ruby and say maybe just politely tell her you are not interested.

Haleem said...

I know how I would react if someone told me their daughter is in jail but all she needs is my guiding hand....

[best Chris Tucker imitation]


Well I can understand where the woman is coming from (Desperation) but sorry, such people need therapy, not marriage.

saqi said...

You did the right thing. Ruby has a point also but sometimes there may be no other way.

Atifa said...

I agree with ruby. I am glad you let her know what you thought, but we can't forget to keep proper adab. This is something I have trouble with myself. We all know how important it is for us to respect elders, but sometimes they just hit us so off guard that we don't know what to say.

What I think is just as priceless is all the ppl back home who expect the gals to set up/establish their son's in the US. If they can't make it in a country where they know the terrain, how they heck will they make it anywhere else?

People forget that Hazrat Hawa was created as a rehma for Adam, NOT the other way around.

Sarah said...


I don't think I'd ever have the guts so say something like that to a customer - you, young lady, have shutzpah!

Anonymous said...

Salaams single muslimah,

An old post I know, but i found your recent posts so engaging I had to look back.

I know such approaches are incredibly frustrating but a couple things stuck out to me:

1. the man converted in jail - this means that the man has changed his beliefs and way of life, and his past sins have been wiped away. As Muslims we are supposed to forgive and forget, and encourage them on the path. He is a decent man now, as far as we are concerned.

2. If the son was a convert, then it seems probable the mother was not a muslim. If so she left with a very bad impression of muslim manners and acceptance of others.

3. The man probably does need assistance in leading a new muslim life. His mother recognizes this. If she is a muslim she wants him to have a muslim wife, if she is not a muslim she may be happy her son has chosen to leave the life he had lived and pursue a clean life, and may want to encourage that in anyway she can.

4. He may not have fallen in with the wrong crowd as an "adult". He may have done so as a child and got trapped there without a moral compass. He made the choice to overcome that crowd and his past mistakes and became a Muslim.

5. "She needed to be put in her place" Her place? Her place? Below you? She is the mother of a fellow muslim. Like it or not, you gotta respect the mother of a fellow muslim. She may have be rude, she may be overzealous, she may not have kept her child on the straight path, but shes still a mom and either a fellow or potential muslim herself.

I may be a bit too sensitive on this subject though. I am a convert (no major sins or convictions in my past) but am still "put in my place" by born muslims who think that being raised in a well to do muslim family makes them superior. Have some compassion for the converts...

btw - I wouldnt marry a guy with a prison record. I too am a college educated gal with a clean background, but you gotta be gentle with the less fortunate and let them down easy. Or else you end up sounding like an aristocratic relic hanging on to an obsolete class system.

Sorry my first post on your blog is negative.