Monday, November 27, 2006

Update

I'm back. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving (or vacation if you don't celebrate).
I know everyone is wondering so I'll just get right to it. He won't do. He simply will not do.
Here's what happened:

I shopped on Friday but I didn't buy anything new to wear for this. I decided against that. I just wore the black wide-leg trousers, a pale pink sweater, a matching hijab, and pearl jewelry. I also decided against going through a lot of trouble with the baking. I just made a marbled bundt cake. I'm glad. It totally would have been a wasted effort. I suspected as much when I saw him at the door but I didn't want to rush to judgment. Ten minutes later, I knew I was right.
He totally acted like he didn't want to be there, like it was all just a big bother. His clothes were kinda wrinkled and he had this general unkempt look, which I totally don't go for. He was wearing chinos that looked like they needed to be washed and ironed and an oxford that needed to be ironed. Sweetie, have a little pride in your appearance. Okay, fine. I guess that can be worked with. A lot of guys need a little nudge in the wardrobe department. There's no need to be "overly picky." Unfortunately, it just got worse. I offered him tea, he asked for coffee. No one in my house drinks coffee so I had to tell him that we don't have coffee. He actually had the nerve to roll his eyes. His conversational skills were practically non existent. I had to drag every response out of him. Example:
What to do you? (I already knew this but he didn't know that)
IT. (that's it......no further details.)
Really? Do you like it?
Does it matter?
Well, of course. I would hate having a job I didn't enjoy.
::dead silence::
Well....What do you like to do in your spare time?
Just.....stuff.
**flash most charming smile** Well of course, but what kind of stuff? Maybe we do the same "stuff."
Mabye.
**waiting, waiting**
Do you like to travel?
Not really.
Oh.
InshaAllah, I'm going skiing in January. Have you ever been skiing?
Um....no.
Have you read any good books recently? I just finished The Last Wife of Henry VIII. It was fascinating.
::blank look::
It's about Catherine Parr, the sixth wife of King Henry VIII of England. She's the only one that survived marriage to him and it's about her life before, during, and after their marriage.
::Hmm::
How was your Thanksgiving?
Fine.
Good.
Yep.
Would you like another slice of cake?
::head nod::

Yeah, that about covers it. There was a little more one sided conversation and whatnot but this was pretty much it. I won't say he was completely rude, even though it seems like it. He was more socially awkward. I mean he kept clearing his throat, like he had this tic or something. He mumbled and kept his eyes averted most of the time. I wasn't sure if he was looking away out of respect or because he was nervous. It was just very trying. I mean, talking to him was like pulling teeth. He never even asked me one thing! Clearly, he had no interest in me or perhaps the entire marriage business. I don't know and it's irrelevant to me. I can go the rest of my life without ever seeing him again. I mean, it's one thing to be shy but another to be so socially inept that you're borderline rude. Also, his table manners were seriously questionable. He ate that cake like it was going to sprout legs and walk away. And he chewed with his mouth open. Ew. So wrong. I could never be married to someone that couldn't carry on a conversation and had bad manners.

My mother was not impressed. She thought his behavior was appalling and that he showed an obvious lack of home training.

At least I tried. No one can say I didn't try.

17 comments:

bushraaa said...

Aah, we all have a story (or stories) of the suitors that just didn't get past the first meeting... inshaAllah khair, Allah(swt) is preparing your naseeb for you and it'll be awesome, ameen :)

Sarah said...

First impressions don't always do a person justice...but at the same time, if he simply refuses to have a conversation with you, what's the point?!

I'm sorry that this wasn't a happier ending, but it's great that you didn't "waste" a new outfit on him!

singlemuslimah said...

Bushraaa:Aww, thanks.
He is number three. This does not bode well. I have been informed that if I'm not careful, I will be a spinster. Great times. Always good to be told that I should lower my standards.

Sarah: He so wasn't trying to have a conversation with me, which is crazy. I mean, usually people love talking to me. Whatever, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Anonymous said...

Just another one, not The One...*sigh* Don't lower your standards for anyone honey, you will find a man who is everything you need and deserve. Wedgewood can never be Royal Chinet and Royal Chinet will never learn to appriciate the beauty and elegance of Wedgewood.

Suroor said...

Inshallah when the right guy comes along you wouldn't even have to try. Allah will make it all happen, Inshallah. Keep praying and be your sweet lovely self!

Love you! xxx

Haleem said...

Oh well.. it wasn't meant to be.

I have found that lowering standards seem to work.

singlemuslimah said...

Ruby: I so love the Wedgewood/Royal Chinet analogy. Too cute.

Haleem: There will be no lowering of the standards. I don't recommend it to anyone, unless their standards are impossibly high.

bushraaa said...

SM- I agree. There is a difference between 'picky' and being 'particular'. For myself, there are things I will not compromise on (deen, height simply because I myself am 5'8", hygiene) and things I am flexible about.

But lowering your standards??? Heck no. Be strong, inshaAllah we will all find our prince(s) one day... :)

Anonymous said...

It may be wrong to say, but I may rather be a spinster than be forced to marry someone with such an attitude.

Girls have it tough - the moment we talk about particular traits we want in a prospective husband, we're labeled as picky or too hard to deal with. But at the same time, for our own self-respect and happiness (and for our family's) it's hard to conceive of settling for just any guy just for the sake of marrying.

To give this guy the biggest benefit of the doubt, maybe he already likes another girl and his parents forced him to come and tried to make himself unappealing just so you would be turned off and he'd be left alone. Other than him just not wanting to marry in general, I really can't figure out any other reason for a person to be such a doofus (I couldn't think of a better word).

May Allah help you find your equal in good health and time.

Anonymous said...

It may be wrong to say, but I may rather be a spinster than be forced to marry someone with such an attitude.

Girls have it tough - the moment we talk about particular traits we want in a prospective husband, we're labeled as picky or too hard to deal with. But at the same time, for our own self-respect and happiness (and for our family's) it's hard to conceive of settling for just any guy just for the sake of marrying.

To give this guy the biggest benefit of the doubt, maybe he already likes another girl and his parents forced him to come and tried to make himself unappealing just so you would be turned off and he'd be left alone. Other than him just not wanting to marry in general, I really can't figure out any other reason for a person to be such a doofus (I couldn't think of a better word).

May Allah help you find your equal in good health and time.

Anonymous said...

ok my bad...blogger was acting up so posted a comment twice (i meant what i said doubly)

Atifa said...

I thought I commented already, but I guess I didn't. :) To mean it seems like the guy didn't know what the heck to do. He was nervous or something. Oh well, his loss.

TwennyTwo said...

peace,

I'm just having the opportunity to do some serious blogging, so I'm just now seeing this.
Good. Night. What an awful visit... I'm with ya, you definitely tried, scratch him off the list.

And the lack of home trainin'? Don't y'all know his mother? That's a horrible thing, to have a son act like that... hmm.

Do enjoy the rest of the cake, though! No treats for me just yet so I'll enjoy it through you.

peace
TwennyTwo

Anonymous said...

peace,

I'm just having the opportunity to do some serious blogging, so I'm just now seeing this.
Good. Night. What an awful visit... I'm with ya, you definitely tried, scratch hi

RN said...

hahaha miskeen. I think i've been on that side of the conversation when guys come to see me. I stick to one word anwsers and smile and nod :P

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