Alright y'all, he called me today. He was giving me time to "calm down." I'm sure that was for the best. Anyway, he called to apologize for her and her behavior. What follows is a transcript of our conversation.
Marine: I just wanted to apologize to you for my mom's behavior.
Me: Oh, that's fine. It's not your fault. I was just a little, I don't know, shocked I guess. I've never really been treated like that in someone's house before.
Marine: Well, she was out of line but you have to understand where she's coming from.
Me (only in my head): No I don't. She needs to get some manners.
Marine: She's always had a different type of girl in mind for me.
Me: A different type of girl?
Marine: I mean, I don't know, someone a little more modest and traditional.
Me: I see. And does she have a particular modest, traditional girl in mind.
Marine: I really don't see how that's relevant. (What?! How is that not relevant? I'll just take that as a yes.)
Me: That's not really an answer.
Marine: That's all the answer you're going to get.
Dead silence
Marine: ::heavy sigh:: Try not to take it too personally. You just represent the kind of woman she doesn't like and doesn't want for me.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Marine: See? That. You say things in this society girl tone and my mom just doesn't deal well with that. Because of how she grew up she hates society girls. With the finishing school and the sorority and they way you dress, you just represent that. She's never been part of the white glove and pearls set and she just doesn't have any use for it.
Me: I didn't throw that stuff in her face. I would never have said anything about it if she hadn't mentioned it. You told her all of that, not me.
Marine: It came up in conversation.
Me: How does that just "come up in conversation?"
Marine: She asked about you and I told her. Do you want a play by play of the conversation?
Me: You know what? The sarcasm isn't necessary. My mother didn't verbally attack you for not being a good Muslim and being a snob. Oh, I'm sorry, "high siddity."
Marine (in a tone that could freeze boiling water): Alright, you know what? It's over; I've apologized and explained her behavior. You're a big girl and you're old enough to know that not everyone has to or is going to like you. You're going to have to move past it because as far as I'm concerned, it's over and we're done discussing it.
Me (in an equally cold tone): Is that right? Well, then I guess there's nothing left to say.
Marine: Guess not.
::click::
Oh, no he did not even try to get an attitude with me. Telling me when a discussion is over. What? Who does he think he is? Oh, I am so mad right now. And what was that tone? Please, I am not scared of him. He does not want me to have to get ugly.
Y'all, I have just seen the future and it is not pretty. If we ever speak to each other again, we will have quite a bit to discuss. And don't even get me started on the other girl that's waiting in the wings. Such total crap. I'm so disgusted right now.
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10 comments:
What I really and truly do not understand is why he didn't tell you anything about her in advance or tell her what he had told her about you...or mention that there might be some other girl she has in mind. I mean, there is wanting to see how the "real" you will do under pressure, and there's having the decency to warn you about what you might be walking into.
I second what others have said that you marry the family and not just the man...but is there more to this story?
Honestly, I can forsee a lifetime of conflict where he takes her side and leaves you to "understand how she is". I hope things work out for the best for you iA.
What did he mean by you have to understand where she's coming from??? Where is that? Land of Ill Mannered Witchness??? Its entirely relevant that his mother has someone else waiting in the wings! Do you want to talk to him again? The other comments about marrying the family, not just the man, are soooo true...be careful honey! You deserve someone who will treat you like the most important person in the world to him, all the time, defend you to ill mannered family and all sorts of things. Good luck!
Oh no he didn't.
Army brat.
Salaams,
*sigh*.
Unfortunately the fact that he's not hearing you- or worse, hearing something apparently unacceptable in your reaction- is not heartening.
I'm sorry you went through that call and that neither of them was very nice about it.
*sigh*. Oooh child. I just don't know what else to say except that I don't think you're to blame (not that blame needs to be assigned by me) and that inshaAlllah if he's right, it'll work out, and if he isn't, then it's already worked out, isn't it?
Good job with your dead silence. Id've blessed somebody out.
peace
TwennyTwo
peace,
Just read my comment and realized I needed to clarify: if the Marine is right and what Allah has given to you, then it'll work out- since you do, in fact, marry family. And if he isn't, then that's already taken care of. I can't believe he talked to you like that, even in defending his mama. Hmph.
Although, since I'm still commenting, can we talk about the his evasion of the point - of COURSE it matters if his MOTHER has some other girl she wants, EVEN IF it's not within the realm of possibility-and general authoritativeness? My father is like that (post military, too) so, um, you'd be exercising all of your tact and feminine wiles. Again, from my armchair, not that I can blame or say anything.
big hug regardless.
peace
Twennytwo
It's good to know that I didn't overreact and y'all have my back. Good times.
Sarah: I don't understand either. And it does give me a slightly bad vibe. However, I'm not sure if it's for real or I'm seeing shadows where there aren't any. You know?
Working: That's what I'm afraid of. What if he's never on my side? If he can side with her when she's so blatantly wrong, what would it take for him to side with me?
Ruby: Thanks, hon. I don't know why I have to "understand where she's coming from." I mean, I think it's a little immature of her to be holding onto some silly grudge over being from the wrong side of the tracks or not being let into a certain social club. It's even crazier for her to let that affect her opinion of me; I had nothing to do with it.
It so matters if there's someone else. Like, why would he think that didn't matter? It makes me wonder.
I honestly don't know if I want to talk to him again. I'm upset, you know? Plus, I'm seeing a whole other side to him that I don't really like.
Haleem: Oh, yes he did. He had the nerve to talk to me like that. I still can't believe it. But you know what? I'm not just angry; I'm a little hurt too. Is that silly? I mean, we're not in love or anything but I just feel like I deserved a little more consideration. I don't know, maybe I'm just being a drama queen.
TT: Yeah, I'm thinking him not getting it can't be a good sign. I couldn't bless him out. I rarely do that to anyone.
I honestly don't know why he was evading the whole "other woman" thing but it gives me a bad vibe. I don't want to have to compete for him (esp. against some nameless, faceless girl) and I don't think it's right or fair to see two women at the same time. I'm not saying that's what's going on but if it is, we're definitely done. If it's just someone his mother hopes he'll get with; we need to talk about that. I'm sorry, that's relevant.
My dad is like that too. The only way to get anything was to be kind of crafty (for lack of a better word). I don't have a problem with him being authoritative; I already knew he was like that. What I have a problem with is him being so completely dismissive of me and my feelings. I also really didn't appreciate his nasty tone. There was no need for that. If I ever speak to him again, I will be expecting an apology. I deserve better than to be talked to any kind of way.
You know what, now that you "know" there is someone else in the background, I wouldn't worry about anything that happend. I mean everything that happended that night had nothing to do with you. I didn't matter that it was you or someone else, they have someone else in mind and that is who they want. You were just the unfortunate recipient. Does that make sense?
I agree with Sarah - some sort of pre-warning seemed like it was necessary since he knew that his mother didn't like "that type" of girl. And if he'd already told her about you (meaning she got a 'warning') then why would she agree to meet you if she was just going to treat you that way in the end? He basically gave her time to gather all sorts of insults and work out just how she was going to drive you away. And it seems to have worked.
I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I pray that inshAllah everything works out for the best for you.
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