Convertible Husbands: The latest matrimonial craze.
I'm sure most of y'all know someone with one. BUT, for those of you that don't know, a convertible husband is a non-Muslim that converted so y'all could get married. I know a few sisters that have done this and it seems to be getting even more popular. In a way I can understand where they're coming from, especially the foreign sisters. Non-Muslim guys don't seem to have the same "issues" as a lot of Muslim guys. It seems to me that a lot (not all) brothers seem to have this thing wear they want this hot, willing to be freaky, vestal virgin. She doesn't exist. They don't want her too religious because then she's no fun but they don’t want her too worldly because then maybe he isn't the first man in her life. The problem with this mentality is that unless a girl is pretty religious chances are she's had some sort of romantic entanglement and I'm not even talking about dating or sleeping around. What about talking to prospects, falling for friends, broken engagements, and all of the things that make up life outside of a bubble? Heck, even a religious girl could have had one of these. In this day and age, in this country, there's only so much innocence a girl over a certain age can have. Frankly, too much innocence is dangerous. Anyway, I'm straying from the topic.
Non-Muslims are far more blasé about this type of thing. For most of them, simply being a virgin (or not too experienced) is good enough. To most non-Muslims, that implies that you haven't been in a too serious relationship and likely have no real (relationship) baggage. They don't worry over every little nuance. They take what you tell them and work from that. They don't delve deep into everything little thing you've ever done. A lot of sisters are telling me that it's a welcome break; that it's nice not to have someone worrying about you being in a car alone with a guy for 15 minutes during sophomore year. They also seem more able to be the type of husbands that a lot of sisters want. I'll let y'all read what you will into that last statement. I'm not going into all of the things my girlfriends said they feel our brothers are lacking.
That being said, I think a lot of us are too harsh on our brothers. Yes, there are a lot of them with serious issues but there are a lot of really good ones too. And are we so faultless? I think not. Besides, as far as I can tell, converting your own husband is not without its problems. First, there's bringing him around. It takes a lot to get someone to renounce their religion and/or way of life. Second, there's the whole family issue. He may be willing and ready to convert but they probably won't like it or the bride to be. There's also the issue of the girl's family, they probably won't like him or the situation. It may always be a problem. I've seen it go both ways. A friend of my older sister's did this with a guy she met in med school and both of their families came around in record time. They've been married for over ten years, MashaAllah. I also knew of a girl whose marriage fell apart in less than a year because everyone was so against it and it tore them apart. Interestingly enough, he stayed with Islam and she left. Third (and, I think, final), there's the culture shock. If you've come from Christianity or no religion at all, it's a huge shocker. There are so many things that are different and so much that you have to give up, not to mention the Muslims themselves. It's a lot to deal with and everyone doesn't handle it well. Little everyday things that didn't used to matter suddenly become a big deal. And let's not even get into something like planning a wedding. It's crazy.
I don't think it's for me but I can't say for sure. As it stands now, I don't feel like I'm having such a difficult time with Muslim men that I need to start pursuing non-Muslims and I work hard at making sure I don't just fall for one. And while I'm willing to concede that I've met far more non-Muslim men I could see myself with long term, I think that's because I haven't had the chance really get to know most Muslim men. That's the real problem with Muslim gender relations. We just don't get to know each other. It's so much easier to get to know non-Muslims of the opposite sex. Most of us are segregated growing up and then when we start college or join the work force, we wind up keeping that distance from each other. For instance, Muslim girls are not even on my 17 y/o brother's radar. He hasn't spoken to a Muslim girl his age since he was six! He doesn't know any so he doesn't think about them. As far as he's concerned, outside of his family, they don't even exist. His friends are the same way. The Muslim girls at school don't talk to them and vice versa and they don't interact at youth functions. What's even sadder than that is that the brave few that do interact are always being accused of having some type of inappropriate relationship.