Thursday, November 09, 2006

You're enough to make a brother forget he's supposed to lower his gaze.

So I was going to post about this really fabu memoir I read and how more non-famous people should write them. Instead, I'm going to post about something that happened to me the other day. But before I do, I just want to say I don't know how or why this kind of stuff happens to me but it does. Here goes.........

Okay so I was in the "Muslim" part of Raleigh, which is near NC State University. There are all the usual suspects; cafes, shops, etc. I go into one store (a grocery w/ deli counter) and as I'm looking for this spice a brother comes up to me and says: "You know sister, you really ought to cover a little more. You're enough to make a brother forget he's supposed to lower his gaze. All that beauty (i.e. booty) shouldn't be on display." Cue open mouth and (mildly) shocked look. "Excuse me?" (said with much attitude)
"I'm just saying, if I was your husband, I'd be tempted to keep you veiled or at home."
"Yes, well, you're not my husband."
"Do you have one?"
"If you'll excuse me, I have shopping to finish."
"InshaAllah, I'll see you around." (this was said with a little smirk that I didn't care for at all)

Awww, sweetie, what led you to believe that this would be cute? Does your brain not filter things properly?

"Veiled or at home?" WTH???!!! I mean, get real. Now, I'm a hijabi. I may not wear an abaya but I do cover (somewhat). I wear jeans and other such but nothing really tight, nothing low, nothing sheer. In short, I'm leaving plenty to the imagination. Now granted I'm a curvy girl (a Beyonce build) and our shape shows a little (a lot) more, but I wasn't all out there. I was wearing a cream colored turtleneck sweater and Levi's. Neither one was tight. Close fitting but not tight. I didn't even have my jeans tucked into my boots. Now I'm pretty, I'll admit it. I could be better but I could be worse....a lot worse. Some days, I'm a knock out ;). My girlfriends tell me I'm sexy. I don't see it but Lord knows men have been seeing it since I was 13. However, there would never be a need to keep me locked in the house. I mean, really. I'm sure this was his weak, very weak, attempt at flirting but it just didn't do it for me. I wanted to be charmed and flattered but it just wasn't happening. Maybe I was too hard on the brother but there was just something smarmy about him.


candle of hope said...

Barak Allah feeekee sister..
It would be better if you wouldn't describe your body or how your friends see you.. :)

anyhow, hejab isn't mainly about covering the hair but about the body.. Jeans doesnt cover the body well.. cos whoever see's you would know how your legs are shaped.. and so on..

I hope you would consider wearing an abaya ;)

Barak ALlah feekee sister

May Allah strengthen your Iman

ruby said...

Awwwww honey....that's no good. Inshallh your future encounters with Muslim brothers will be of the "we had a moment to last till the end" and not the sleaze he tried here. *hug*

sabrina said...

I can't believe the guy! No, it was improper of him to act such way, given that HE is a Muslim, and even if you were in a bikini or anything of that sort. I would have said something HARSH back to him. Seriously, these sick men make me sick!
See it bothers me when I find Muslim guys NOT respecting non-Muslim women and just say, it's just anpther non-Muslim and think that they are going to get away with their impropriety. But I just get absolutely stunned when things like that happen to a Muslim woman, even with a hijab! These guys will never have any self-respect.
It's not about what a woman is wearing, it's more about if these men ever decide to respect themselves and the people around them!!!

Anonymous said...

Don't you feel like starting a commotion at a time like that? Something like "ASTAGHFIRULLAH BROTHER HOW DARE YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO A MUSLIM SISTER? HAVE YOU NO SHAME? DON'T YOU FEAR ALLAH?" And then the whole store will stare at him and Brother I-think-I'm-holier-than-thou-so-I'll-
try-to-pick-you-up-in-an-Islamic-way will turn as red as henna and run away as fast as he can.

That's something I wish I could do, but my reaction would have been the same as yours. If a "brother" is so easily tempted by every woman he sees, covered or not, maybe he should think about staying home and working on his own faith.

singlemuslimah said...

I rarely ever start a commotion. I hate scenes, with a passion. The last thing I want is everyone staring at me while I have a public freak out. It's only happened twice and the people were much more deserving than him. It has to be a really big deal for me to go off loudly in public. But I do hope that he tries this crap on someone else and she really lets him have it.

"maybe he should think about staying home and working on his own faith" Thank you! It's not like I was naked or even wearing tight clothes and even if I was, he should have a little more restraint than that. I'm sorry, a woman's options shouldn't be veiled from head to toe or being hit on by every loser she comes across.

Suroor said...

That is one reason I disagree with hijab. Its cos of Muslim men who notice a Muslim woman and start flirting. The whole purpose of hijab is to look inconspicuous; to look Muslim so Muslim men respect you. Do you honestly believe that if you didn’t wear hijab he would have still come to talk to you? He came because he thought he could get away with being an asshole with a Muslim woman.

WTF was he trying to say? I would have let my wrath loose on him!

Have you been to Saudi Arabia? Women are all covered up, veiled, yet men just drag them into cars, pull their niqaabs, whistle at them. No veil is veil enough for a man high on testosterone.

I'm so sad you had to deal with a jerk :-( Take care sweetie!

lifeAgift said...


I've never seen a loose fitting tutle kneck but ok.

Yes the brothers obligations is to Allah and maybe next time you get an "unsolicited" comment or booty reference you could hand out a free Koran to hel the brother regain his memory and Islamic composure.

By the way, I cover ankle to wrist, most days, and my hair very seldom. I bought gas the other day and when leaving the store a man said he liked my glasses (BS) then he complemeted my hair , to both I said thank you very much.

At the age of 36,and all covered up you take your compliments where you can get them. Plus it usually shocks the men when your polite.

HijabiApprentice said...

Asalaamu Alaikum Sister,

Unfortunately I have had the same experience as you even when wearing an abaya! Some people have no control over there nafs (lower self) so I just make sure I am fulfilling my obligation to Allah as far as modest dress, lowered gaze, etc and the rest is between the person and Allah.

ma'a salaamah,


Anonymous said...

dont create scenes but do make them realize somehow.

- a muslim guy

TwennyTwo said...


Oh Noooooo.

Awwww heeeeckyyyy naw. Sorry. I had to get my "Oh no he didn't" outta the way.

If that's the type of "brother" around then man aren't you glad you're single?

And you know what?
What if you were the sister who doesn't cover her head, then what? Don't be thinking that YOU invited that. That was all ignorant presumptive arrogance on his part.


That's the kind of situation that just has people arguing for abayas and jilbaabs as if we can't wear American wear. That brother was OUT OF ORDER, no matter WHAT you were wearing. We shouldn't have to conform to the 'hide the women' norm to get away from creeps like that. ALthough it would've made me want to hide myself... or curse him out... neither of which is good.

Go you, you handled it well.


singlemuslimah said...

TT: Girl, if that's all that's out there I'm going to stay single.

HA: OMG, I can't believe you get hit on while wearing an abaya. That's just taking it to a whole new level. That's just unbelievable.

LikeAGift: I didn't say it was loose, I said it wasn't tight ;). Perfect Fit by Old Navy. It's a beautiful thing.

Suroor: I've never been to Saudi but I've heard the stories. It's shocking; I can't imagine what's wrong with them.
I never really considered that he wouldn't have approached me if I wasn't wearing hijab. for thought.

Atifa said...

Actually you know what, it sounds to me like it was some kind of bet. Like one bro told a bro to go up and say that. Guys do interesting things for amusement. That doesn't make it right, but look at his line, I doubt he came up with that on the spot. Either that or her herd it somewhere and was dying for an opp to use it.