Recently, I received an AIM from an old, former friend. He was a nice guy but we had to stop hanging out. I can't remember who fell for whom first or if we tumbled in together but it happened. He wasn't a Muslim so I just couldn't allow myself to go there. For that reason, I was content to keep my feelings to myself but he didn’t have that self-restraint. We tried to be friends after the big reveal but things were never the same. Eventually, we just drifted apart because neither one of us wanted to officially say that we couldn't be friends. There were the occasional IMs but things weren't the same. By the time six or so months had passed; we had completely stopped contacting each other. His recent message was full of warm, fuzzy reminisces. I was glad my away message was on. It would have been a nice trip down memory lane but not one we needed to take together.
There's a reason we're not friends anymore; it wasn't good for either of us. He was in love with me, I was halfway in love with him, and we couldn't (I wouldn’t) do anything about it. There's no need to be in that situation. It's best to just walk away. My foolish, young heart couldn't stand the thought of hurting him by constantly being around him and I didn't want to deal with it either so I let communication lapse. As for now, I just don't see a reason for us to reconnect. While I no longer have feelings for him; there's no need for us to relive the past. It happened and we've both moved on. Sure, we could chat online every so often but there's really no point.
I guess that's harsh but it's true, IMO. There are some people that I just feel don't need to keep in my life or let reenter my life. Former romantic entanglements are those people. There are people that can remain friends with their exes; they even prefer it. I am not one of those people. I am not a "let's be friends" kind of girl. If we started out as friends; things seem to be weird afterwards. If we didn't start as friends; what's the point? This is hurtful for a lot of people but if your relationship has ended, you have the right to not want to be around that person. It's not necessarily saying anything against the ex; you just can't be around them right now, maybe not ever. It could be that they're a constant reminder of a foolish mistake or a period in your life you would rather forget. It could be that contact with you, even hearing about you, reopens that wound. As much as it may bother you; there's really nothing you can do but accept it.
One of my sorority sisters was obsessed with being friends with all of her exes. By junior year she had this string of ex-boyfriends/pseudo friends that she kept in touch with. Then she has the nerve to wonder why she can't keep a boyfriend. No one wants to deal with all of that baggage you're dragging behind you. That's not cool and that's exactly what a bunch of exes turned friends are; baggage. You can try to dress it up but the plain truth is that you're just dragging your past around with you like an oversized weekender. Even if it's fine with you, think of how awkward it is for your significant other. Here you are reliving the good ole days with some ex-flame while simultaneously trying to cultivate this new relationship. I'm no psychologist but I just don't think that's conducive to a healthy relationship. Of course, there are exceptions; like the old friend you briefly dated but in general, it's just not a good idea.