Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Why Now?

People (older Muslim women) that have known me awhile keep asking me why I want to get married now. Today an old friend of my mom's called and when my mom told her she was looking, naturally she wanted to talk to me. She wanted to ask why now. I don't get that; it's not like I was ever against marriage. I just didn't want to be married while I was in college. I wanted to fully enjoy college without responsibilities. I did and now it's time for the next chapter in my life. I fail to see why this is a big deal. Yet, people keep harping on it. My personal favorite is "oh, you want a baby don't you?" Um, actually, not really. Not now anyway. Of course, I learned the hard way that saying that is not acceptable. Muslims don't want to hear that you aren't just chomping at the bit to procreate. So I just give a polite smile and say nothing. I figure it's better to do that than have it spread around that I'm some kind of a baby hater.

Why are people even asking a question like that? It's like at job interviews when they ask why, with my education, I want to work as a receptionist or administrative assistant. Why do you think? I need employment of some kind and I haven't found the job I really want so here I am. That, however, isn't an acceptable answer so I have to dig up an acceptable response. Same thing with this, I just pull out the most parent approved response; ::cue super innocent face:: I'm ready to settle down and, of course, fulfill half my deen. Then come the approving, maternal smiles and comments on how right and proper my attitude is. And, of course, how far I've come from that silly, gossipy girl. Yeah, I was like 15, let's move on.

Of course, no one wants the God honest truth, especially from a woman. One of my girlfriends is constantly saying that she's going to start telling people that virginity is over-rated so she's putting her's up for sale. The price is a $100k wedding and a European honeymoon. I've suggested she hold her tongue. Any response related to sex would be completely inappropriate; more so for a woman. Most people know that factors in with men, however, they are not willing to think about it when it comes to women. Our reasons for marriage are as follows; babies, security, babies, deen, and babies. Any hints at romance gain you a lecture on the harsh realities of marriage and getting some is a non-issue. This is fine because some things are not meant to be discussed in polite society. But why ask? You must know you won't get the whole truth so just let sleeping dogs lie. I just don't know why people insist on asking questions when they don't really want the answer.


Suroor said...

If not now, then when? Someone asked me this once and I blatantly told her that I loved my husband and if I didn't get to marry him when I did, I would have erred!

Ruby said...

LOL! Your friend is hilarious! Hee hee...not the wisest thing to say but so funny..hee hee...

Atifa said...

Hummm, I seem to know a different bunch of ppl, they always try to woo the marriage issue with visions of romance and acknowledge needs of women. I'm starting to like my aunty batch. :)

Haleem said...

What people weren't young or what? Did they not pass that stage? Complete ticks me off when they ask me why I want to marry... wth?

Sarah said...

My older female relatives (not counting my mother) tell me "you're young, don't worry about such things." I think it's because they were married SO young and want to live vicariously through me. But, you know what, the "singles" scene isn't exactly my cup of tea.

singlemuslimah said...

Suroor: I'm glad you got her told and I agree with you; if not now, when?
Ruby: I know.
Atifa: You're a lucky girl. I only know a (very) small handful of those women.
Haleem: I know. Then they get upset when you're somewhat dismissive of them and think they couldn't possibly understand anything you're going through.
Sarah: I am in total agreement with you and I'm not fond of the singles scene either.

TwennyTwo said...


Ohhhh man- I hear you big time on this, but you already know that.

Actually, though, I guess even though I've already hit that magical birthday you've got coming in March, I don't have a lot of people being like, MashaAllah, cool. I get the "Aren't you too young to be married?"
Meanwhile I'm channeling that feeling Suroor talks about where, my goodness, men don't hold the corner on needs. Hmph.

Thanks for the post!


aliana said...

It has to be at "some" time so if not not now then later or before.