Good Intentions

Okay, so reading all these posts on virginity, temptation, double standards, and whatnot has reminded me of something from my college days. Something that, post college, I warned my younger, Muslimah (play) cousin about. The Muslim brother with the "good intentions." I don't know how many of you ladies have met this man but he's a liar. This is the brother that gets all close to you and keeps telling you he's going to speak to your father, uncle, brother, whatever but keeps procrastinating about it. At the same time, he's trying to get in your pants or as close to it as possible. Now, as you may have guessed, I've had dealings with this type of guy. Fortunately, I was smart enough to avoid falling into his trap. I met A (sorry, I'm not good with clever nicknames) Sophomore year of college. I had to have him. He was a friend of a friend and said friend thought he was a "good, solid brother." In hindsight, he wasn't the best judge of character or the best of men. But whatever, that's a story for another time. Moving on. I wasn't the only girl that had a thing for him. A so-called friend wanted him too. I will admit that as a pretty and naive girl, used to getting what I wanted, I didn't consider her real competition. My mistake. A and I started hanging out at school, talking to each other on the phone, etc. We kept it kosher. Both of us being from "good" families, friends started asking the normal questions and I was wondering myself. He claimed he was going to speak with my uncle. In the meantime, why didn't we hang out without all these other people around. And so it went. Around and around. Him always trying to get me alone with him (usually at his place, Mr. BMOC) and me reminding him that he hadn't yet spoken with my uncle, or anyone in my family. The whole time, of course, Miss Thang is hanging around with her fast tail. Eventually, he stops calling me and I hear that they've hooked up. She paraded around smug for a few weeks and then it was over. He was asking my friends why I wasn't speaking to him, etc. They basically told him where to get off and over the summer we both got over it. He transferred to VA Tech and I never saw or heard from him again.
My point is this; he didn't have single good intention towards me. He wanted only one thing and when he didn't get it; he moved on. He got it from another young sister and then cast her aside. He'll marry someones virgin daughter and, in the meantime, people still talk about her and how she was always no good. No, she wasn't, but it takes two to tango. He's even more worthless because he's deceitful. He's (or was) a cad, a rake, a jerk, a bastard. Whatever you want to call it, that's him. I wouldn't have had him back for all of the money in the world because he had no respect for me or any other Muslim woman. He found it perfectly acceptable to lie in order to get what he wanted and that's unacceptable. Unfortunately, he's not the only one. A former friend of mine also tried this scam on an unsuspecting sister. Always going on about his good intentions when he didn't have any. She was smart so she got off easy. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen often. You tell a fairly innocent girl that it's okay because you're getting married anyway and she might believe you. She's foolish to believe it but it happens.
It's cruel to use women like this, especially Muslim women. It's not necessary to ruin an innocent young sisters life; because that's basically what happens. Word gets out and everyone acts like she's the biggest whore in town. They don't want to know the truth; that their precious son used and misled an innocent girl. She's a victim (of his duplicity and her stupidity and naivete) and he's a victimizer. It's a big, bitter pill for the Muslim community to swallow but until we start holding our sons as accountable as we hold our daughters, this kind of stuff will continue to happen. In the meantime, it's up to those of us that know to warn our younger sisters and guide our younger brothers.